hustling 2019

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2018 was demanding for it was intertwined with many accomplishments and disappointments that brought forth many mixed emotions. i can’t deny i had stretched myself too thin more times than i’d like, and the year had flown by before i knew it. i was overloaded at work where i experienced many influxes of workload; but through that, i had earned my stripes and established myself as a lead. outside of work, my play was also action-packed. i took a step back from taekwondo, but have the intention to step back in once my tricks and flips are ready. i wouldn’t say i had a particularly healthy year; not having escaped the injuries – this time being my shoulder. i lost sight of my fitness at times, but still kept it within reason. with all the successes and setbacks of the past twelve months, i had a lot of take backs knowing i had grown and proved that i could handle myself in uncomfortable situations. looking ahead, 2019 will be a year of hustle where i’ll be chasing some pretty ambitious goals i had set for myself. again, i expect myself to continue grinding and hustling for everything i’ve always wanted. i’m committed to investing the next three hundred and sixty five days to become the best version of myself

i experienced the best and worst of days in 2018, but nothing i couldn’t overcome. the darkest moments stung and the brightest moments shone, but above all, i managed to stay afloat. as 2018 departs, i’m looking ahead and expecting a lot out of myself in 2019

  • get healthy and stay injury-free #gethealthystayhealthy
  • consistent training #leanmachine
  • proper eating #eatsmart
  • love myself for who i am #selfcare
  • love my family #familymatters
  • reconnect with friends #circleoffriends
  • savings and assets #budgetlife
  • explore and travel the world #roamtheplanet
  • more me time for what sets my heart on fire #metimemovement
  • career advancement #careerdevelopment
  • step back onto the mat #roadtonationals
  • setting my priorities #prioritiesincheck
  • learn or take up new skills and knowledge #foreverlearning

i’m ready to make some gains and get the best out of what 2019 has in store. it’ll be one heck of a ride as i’m on a mission to find my strong

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reflecting reality

highschool really did feel like just yesterday. just like majority of highschoolers, i graduated and went onto university thinking i had it planned for the rest of my life. truth is, that thought couldn’t have been any more incorrect and far from reality. i went on to graduate just like how my parents had mapped it out, with an honours degree in environmental design. after a bachelor, i was suppose to do my masters of architecture and become a fully licensed architect. that never happened because acceptance rate was one in ten. i took a brief break but have been working since then. my point is, life is far from how i had imagined it straight out of highschool. i’ve chosen a less traveled career path unlike the stereotypical asian jobs. i’ve believed that my friends circle will remain unchanged. i’ve been misled that i’d meet someone who would treat me like a destination. i’ve learned that growing up requires unlearning the learned. it’s been a struggle as i continue to walk down this path establishing myself as a professional and finding where i truly belong. the start of the year has been really good to me; working my butt off has earned me respect within my peers. i’ve climbed the work ladder real quick liked my manager forewarned, and as a result have been delegated a lot more responsibilities. nothing was given to me; i had to step up and grasp all the windows of opportunities. because of the obstacles and challenges i overcame, i have become the strong woman i am today. i’m not where i want to be yet, but with my grit drive and determination, i’m have full confidence i will make my dreams a reality. i’m on a mission to finding myself and finding my strong. this is where it all starts and where everything will come together for me 

building 2017

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2016 was one heck of a crazy roller coaster ride. the past twelve months gave me ample opportunities to experience more of what life is about. i found myself in the darkest moments where i shut myself off from the world, fluctations and eating problems ensued. i managed to dig deep with the support of my close ones, and got myself back together. nothing came easy as nothing worth achieving ever comes easy. behind closed doors, i fought many battles that no one knew about, but the most important thing is i never gave up on myself. i came to realization that i don’t want to remain stagnant and don’t want to remain the same so i took on some challenges. i defined what my goals were and was proactive in taking the necessary steps to get myself there. through the hard times i gained a lot of knowledge and strength that no doubt made a better me. it made me realize i’m much stronger than i think i am and need to get even stronger to withstand. i’m much closer to where i want to be but i’m not where i want to be yet. i’m still working on becoming the best version of myself

finished 2016 on a high note and looking to build a strong 2017 with bigger and more ambitious goals. it’s time to take it up a notch or even two and fulfill whatever my heart desires

  • stay as healthy and as injury-free as possible
  • train smarter and eat properly with sufficient sleep
  • be more disciplined and focused towards my goals
  • continue to work on my confidence level
  • love myself for who i am
  • communicate more with family and friends
  • explore the world and expand my horizon
  • attain supplementary diploma
  • appreciate being a workaholic, but also appreciate the little things
  • save up for the number game
  • revisit photography
  • do more of what sets my heart on fire

i’m pumped to make the next twelve months the best months i’ve ever had. find my strong. it’s now or never

self discovery

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it was more or less a self-wrecking week with so many internal and external forces pushing up against me. it was all a combination of stress from competition, school, work, people but none more so than myself. the road has not been easy as i have felt myself slowly dying inside but i didn’t want to confront and address it. it hurts to know that leakage of my stresses was stressing out others. no one has a clue what is going on in my head and it’s probably better kept that way. i’m disappointed at myself for not handling myself better and keeping my emotions a little tighter. the last thing i want is to be a burden to anyone and add unncessary flavour to anyone; i made up my mind that interacting less and speaking less will be helpful. i felt safe that way just to eliminate any chance of doing or saying the wrong things. sometimes i wonder why i need feelings when i’m better off without them. during this time, i spent some time reading quotes and looking for inspiration to get me through this stretch. i’m already at a point of self-destruction, there’s nowhere else to go but up. i know i’m strong enough to get through these ruts, and in case i’m not, i need to find a way to become stronger. i do believe i’ll find my way out and the better is on its way

day 1127 – post rolling

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wrapping up august with a satisfying workout and some intense rolling. the month has flown by so fast and today’s weather tells me summer season won’t last. reflecting on the month, i have made plenty of progress both physically and mentally, and in turn grown as a person. i have a lot to be thankful for, those who didn’t give up on me. i found that if i put my mind to something, i surprise myself and don’t always lose to my own expectations. the self realizations doesn’t end here, it’s only the beginning. stay tuned for the months to come on my journey to finding myself

fight for it

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very, very late last night, i finally gathered the courage and came to a tough decision to pass up on this year’s us open. this may be a rare opportunity in my lifetime to partake in such a massive event of exceptional calibre. i never ever in my life imagined myself being granted this opportunity but maybe because of that, it instilled so much fear in me. it would have been a superb experience, but not one that i felt i was ready to take on alone. i didn’t feel like my physical capabilities nor my mental game was ready for this level of competition. i can’t deny i am very disappointed i choose to back out of these opens because it’s something i’ve been really looking forward to for months and months. sometimes i think i would hate myself for letting this chance slip away, but it’s a decision i made and one that i will be able to live with. i know that this decision was as tough on me as it was for those who devoted so much time and energy in me – with their heart and soul and giving me only positive encouragements. there’s several individuals i want to single out for they were always around to listen to all my rants, troubles and everything in between. but none more so than the hardass nazi who never stopped believing in me, who listened to my many insecurities and tried to put everything into perspective in order to will me to take the challenge. i can’t express my gratitude for all the support i have received along the way. i am sorry i couldn’t make this happen, i wished i could find the inner strength. i may seem down and out at the moment, but with time i will recuperate and bounce back stronger than before. i haven’t lost my passion for competing, it’s simply a little setback that i must overcome. moving forward, i will work extra hard to better prepare myself for nationals. it’s going to happen

day 879 – fisting

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for the first time in two weeks, i can finally fully close my hand to make a fist. it’s by no means comfortable in that position and it’s trying to resist that motion, but just being able to do so painfree is a huge breakthrough. fifteen days of not being able to close my hand cost me many days of missed but necessary training. even though my gyming continued, lots had to be forfeited or altered to compensate for the finger. i never realized how essential fisting was, but it became hard learned knowledge