perhaps i might be better off if i never even bothered waking up and getting out of bed after an uneasy night. i did a lot of thinking and reflecting in the past waking hours of why i have to suffer through what doesn’t even treat me right. so many questions in my head left unquestioned notably how i’m going to continue onward. realizing this is the time to figure out what everything means to me and what i’m worth to others. went through the day with no emotions and a big void inside. surprisingly didn’t even see a drop of tear; maybe my tears went dry, or maybe i learn to block out feelings as if i had none
another one of those reflection fridays because whenever i sit there with some spare time, my mind starts wandering and flashing back to things i am better of not thinking about. things were a whole lot different back then and i was a whole lot more innocent and carefree. back when i could do it with no regrets. i am trying so hard to figure out a way to get over this hump, get my mind and body together and continue where i left off because i ain’t giving up and ain’t going to give up until i get this once and for all!!
it’s one of those days where nothing happened but i just feel really hopeless and everything appears so grim. the feeling i get that i am fighting myself where it’s a no win situation no matter what perspective i look at it. knowing what i need to do but still can’t do it is the hardest thing i have to swallow. as hard as this process is, it’s something no one can help me with and i must do it for myself. i better work hard to figure it out because time isn’t stopping for me. this is time for a self reflection and a true test of how badly i want it
vita lemon tea, best drink ever invented and the drink i have grown up with as a typical hong kong raised child. sitting here drinking this late at night, trying to figure out how i am going to pull it off this weekend without disappointing the many. i like to shy away from attention, because i still feel the insecurities