day 1236 – hit hard

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i think i made a bad decision to go in without adequate rest, and one little mental lapse was all it took. i was hit hard and my workout ended prematurely; that’s one way of driving me out of the gym. the rest of the day was a struggle and slightly blurred. in hindsight, i’m fortunate i wasn’t knocked out and could still walk out under my own power. i know i need to do something, but clueless as to what i should do and which physician to consult

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day 839 – not right

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i had a great weekend, only up to the moment i realize i had disobeyed all that i said i would do. i am fighting myself and feeling torn inside because i walked in with a number in mind but went well beyond that limit, i don’t know how it got so out of hand. it’s only finally hitting me hard today, the wheels have really fallen off and i don’t even know where to begin to pick myself up. what a heart felt disappointment when i have regretfully misused the trust others had in me. i failed others and most importantly i have failed myself. need to learn that discipline is choosing between what i want now and what i want most. perhaps i must be stricter and harder on myself and start my climb from the bottom again. i guess i deserved to have both my pinkies sprained during practice

day 555 – more drugs

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back for more drugs because i simply can’t get enough of these cough syrups. and if it wasn’t for zero improvements after finishing another bottle of cough syrup and more bags of cough candy, i would not be going to the doctor for prescribed medication. i can’t continue feeling so useless and weak, forcing me to miss out on so much training, work, regular routine and fun. hoping this will be enough to knock me out tonight and wake up tomorrow feeling human again

day 554 – how i feel now

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the sign indicates my current situation. that’s how me and my body feels right now when all i can do is stay home in bed while constantly feeding it drug after drug. but all i really want to do is get out and train, go to the gym, hangout with people, do my regular activities. i really can’t stop feeling the gym withdrawal. it’s never a good sign when i get sent home within the first hour

day 551 – weaksauce

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this has got to be one of the most disgusting shot i have ever taken. the bottle is clearly not designed for a sick person because it literally took me ten minutes to remove multiple bottle caps in which someone any more sick could have passed out by then. what are the chances of being sick three times in a season, but i have proved it’s not impossible, especially when my body immunity is so weak