day 1621 – stat work

not much of a thanksgiving to celebrate since my parents are back in hong kong and my hand is in much agony. instead of spending time alone in my four walled bedroom, i opted to go to the office to get some work done. there was so much work on my plate to get done but none of my coworkers wanted to see me at the office knowing i’m in a bad state. my hand was so discoloured and swollen i couldn’t even recognize my own hand. the driving is slightly dangerous when i have to for go signaling when my off hand can’t reach

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day 1612 – cavity checkĀ 

an extra unpleasant filling cause dentist said he had to use laser to cut some of the gum. that explains why i had four shots and still felt the numbing two hours into teaching. it makes eating difficult and it makes me hungry and not hungry at the same time. at the end of the day, i find myself a bit more disappointed with each passing day. it felt promising at times, but in the end i still haven’t been convinced. i’m still alone second guessing whether i’m only good and wanted when i’m willing to do what’s asked. it feels as though it’s more for the benefits and less of what my needs are. as long as i have this feeling, i will have my guard up and find ways to refuse it no matter deprived or not

day 1503 – patch processĀ 

after several weeks of being down, i’m still trying to come around to patch all my negative thoughts. during this period, i notice pessimism is still pretty high and emotionally weakened until patchwork is further along the way. thoughts still pour in when i see things unfold in front of me that i could only envy and wished that could be me. i don’t want to stay a negative person because it’s affecting me all around. the process is slow and somehow i’m still hesitant to speak as much