i’m very proud of this because i just did my first back tuck on hard surface and i went for it without the spot that was offered. i’ve overcome a lot; from fearing to do it myself to now finally taking it to hard ground. i’m sure my coaches are also proud of this, one wasn’t present but he who has been pushing me to get my back tuck variations. i’m gunning for the x-out and more variations after that. the bonus of being able to do flips in different environment is catching the sunset in the background
a really happy moment tonight when i went for it and did a some spotted roundoff backtuck from the floor to blue. since my roundoff snap down was feeling pretty strong during overtime practice, i asked to go for it. i then went on to do one last one, unspotted. i didn’t land it, but i was told it was the biggest step because i just diminished a lot of the fear and uncertainty that it came with. i’ll be the first to say it was scary, but unlike all the previous times i tried something for the first time, i didn’t allow myself to overthink and just went hard. just good to see another progression towards what i’ve always wanted
for all the years, i refused to be in the same house as any four legged animal. i made an exception for one of my closest buddy tonight because it was for her housewarming party. i think it sensed the fear because it was always hovering around me in proximity and came into contact far too many times; too close for comfort. despite that, it was a great night chilling with lifelong friends forever known as underconstruction crew
very, very late last night, i finally gathered the courage and came to a tough decision to pass up on this year’s us open. this may be a rare opportunity in my lifetime to partake in such a massive event of exceptional calibre. i never ever in my life imagined myself being granted this opportunity but maybe because of that, it instilled so much fear in me. it would have been a superb experience, but not one that i felt i was ready to take on alone. i didn’t feel like my physical capabilities nor my mental game was ready for this level of competition. i can’t deny i am very disappointed i choose to back out of these opens because it’s something i’ve been really looking forward to for months and months. sometimes i think i would hate myself for letting this chance slip away, but it’s a decision i made and one that i will be able to live with. i know that this decision was as tough on me as it was for those who devoted so much time and energy in me – with their heart and soul and giving me only positive encouragements. there’s several individuals i want to single out for they were always around to listen to all my rants, troubles and everything in between. but none more so than the hardass nazi who never stopped believing in me, who listened to my many insecurities and tried to put everything into perspective in order to will me to take the challenge. i can’t express my gratitude for all the support i have received along the way. i am sorry i couldn’t make this happen, i wished i could find the inner strength to carry through with this. i may seem down and out at the moment, but with time i will recuperate and bounce back stronger than before. i haven’t lost my passion for competing, it’s simply a little setback that i must overcome. moving forward, i will work extra hard to better prepare myself for nationals. it’s going to happen
another one of those reflection fridays because whenever i sit there with some spare time, my mind starts wandering and flashing back to things i am better of not thinking about. things were a whole lot different back then and i was a whole lot more innocent and carefree. back when i could do it with no regrets. i am trying so hard to figure out a way to get over this hump, get my mind and body together and continue where i left off because i ain’t giving up and ain’t going to give up until i get this once and for all!!