day 1555 – victim 

i had a lot of trouble sleeping tonight. what makes me such a good victim for people to hurt and take advantage of. i guess my feelings can be swept aside, guess promises can be broken, guess what i like or don’t like doesn’t matter anyways. at first i didn’t think i was fat but being repeatedly called that makes me believe i am indeed fat and repeatedly makes me skip meals. even after long days i force myself through the fatigue to come here simply cause i can’t eat unless i exercise. today is one of those days where i’m feeling completely burned out from a fifty eight hour work week but still dragged myself to workout because my dinner is not yet earned

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day 1315 – roost

the morning wasn’t so bad as i worked through the fatigue to get my conference call done. it only hit me when the caffeine wore off and i clearly suffered from the afternoon crash. i went straight home and took a nap to make up some sleep. woke up but couldn’t work so i took some medicine, mulled around and went to sleep again. that’s what four hours of sleep will do. things just doesn’t slow down even after competition travels

 

day 1304 – crummy friday 

it doesn’t take much time make me feel crummy – just a sleeplessness night and some unjust comments. i couldn’t stop thinking about it and how it made me more uncomfortable. what’s also uncomfortable is my hip, glute and now my quad from the bench fall. somehow i’ll have to get through this thirteen hour work day in a fifteen hour span. i can only convince myself it’s good to be friday although i’ll spend my weekend at taekwondo too

day 1175 – homeworking

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my legs and back are not sore but very fatigued from yesterday’s activities, good thing i was kept busy at my desk all day. spent most of my day catching up and finishing all my assignments. i was under a little stress because there were several undone and it took me long enough to finish a thirty one page assignment. i better get working on that term project cause it’s going to take a lot more than that thirty one page assignment. also better get ready to stock up on coffee

day 649 – phone call

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taking advantage of our unlimited nationwide calling now that we are separated by three time zones. what we initially set out to be a half hour phone call became a two and a half hour conversation. we were both really tired but there was so much to talk about, we lost track of time. it was way past midnight vancouver time before we knew it and didn’t climb into bed until almost 3am

day 564 – feel special

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i came home to find this sitting on my kitchen table with my name on the card. a special delivery but both the gift and card are anonymous. it was a long day, but coming home to see this made the fatigue less intrusive and my evening a little more soothing. thanks to the wonderful person for brightening my day with a thoughtful message and lovely flowers, happy valentines day

day 505 – drained

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feeling awfully drained and really needing a break. no doubt i knew there would come a time when my mind and body will not allow me to continue with the kind of schedule i run on. its been wearing down on me for over half a year and now my mind is ready to go on strike. i wake up everyday feeling crappy and even more so exhausted knowing the things i have to get through day after day. all i want to do is shut off the world and finish what i have to do. it’s christmas season and all i am too drained to even enjoy it. i try to hide all that stress and pretend everything is okay because i don’t want to put it upon anyone else but somehow it’s showing through my shell. i need a break, i know its not time yet, but i know it’s coming in a couple more weeks