day 2493 – violet drink

though i’m on a bubble tea ban, i felt like it was appropriate to redeem my starbucks birthday drink before it expired. i could’ve gone for the trenta violet refresher, but settled for venti because i didn’t need all the calories. teaching four or five straight hours on saturdays is pretty brutal, but i’m feeling privileged being able to help my students. i’ll have to either prepare something for a quick bite or get used to not eating lunch at all

day 1465 – victim 

img_20200203_1532012205174604093448680.jpgi had a lot of trouble sleeping tonight. what makes me such a good victim for people to hurt and take advantage of. i guess my feelings can be swept aside, guess promises can be broken, guess what i like or don’t like doesn’t matter anyways. at first i didn’t think i was fat but being repeatedly called that makes me believe i am indeed fat and repeatedly makes me skip meals. even after long days i force myself through the fatigue to come here simply cause i can’t eat unless i exercise. today is one of those days where i’m feeling completely burned out from a fifty eight hour work week but still dragged myself to workout because my dinner is not yet earned

day 1386 – on strike

img_20200204_1533016726079542321668672.jpgtaking things a little personal and realizing i need to do something about it. it bothers me enough to tear up a little. it’s one of those things when i don’t feel deserving and i’m stubborn enough to do it. i prefer not eating and i will feel that way until i can hit the gym again. i’ll get hangry at times, but eating is secondary to being good enough in my own terms – not to mention it conserves time and money. it’s a little easier to get around it when parents are out of town