shaping 2018

2017 was challenging that staggered between many emotions, some happy, some successful, some difficult, some burdensome and some heartbreaking moments. i was struck by my most depressing moments that resulted in bottling up emotions where self destruction happened. underneath the outer shell, was three hundred and sixty five days of constant battle that left many unseen scars. after this three hundred sixty five day battle, i came to realize i had ample growth: grew stronger, became braver, gained experience and expanded my knowledge. the struggles gave me a different perspective in life, the achievements gave me hope to to continue to climb. life is a journey defined by how well one copes after being knocked down. looking forward into the next twelve months, i’ll regroup and pull myself together to find my strong. i’m a fighter and won’t stop short of reaching my goal. as long as i stay strong, keep grinding and never settle for less than my full potential. life is about betterment and i’m committed to being the strongest version of myself

the latter part of 2017 wasn’t the best of days and was a true test of patience. the long drought, the fluctuating health, the seesawing emotions were all big obstacles, but i made sure all loose ends were closed. waving 2017 goodbye knowing 2018 has much more for me in store

  • get back healthy and stay as injury-free as possible
  • consistent training and eating with proper sleep
  • step up my game and take it to the next level
  • setting my priorities and boundaries
  • love myself for who i am, love my family, love my friends
  • stay focused towards advancement
  • attain more designations
  • save up for the numbers game
  • explore and travel the world
  • devote more time on what sets my heart on fire
  • step out of my comfort zone and expand my horizon
  • acknowledge being a workaholic but appreciate the little things

i’m ready to start 2018 off strong and be the stubborn goal digger that i am. just remember the best has yet to come

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day 1601 – cleaning house

cleaning house today for what no longer should be in my space. i longed should have gotten rid of things that are taking too much of my negative space and not adding to me. i processed all the thoughts in my head space; it became clear that letting things slip has made me discontent and dulled my life. my friends have told me, not just once, that i deserve better for all the things i let slip too far down. they stood by me at my best and at my worst, and that’s what makes them my dearest friends. out with the old and unwanted so i can rebuild on what it means to be happy and what makes me, me

day 1530 – one for mom

celebrated mom’s birthday before parents head to the airport for yet another trip to hong kong. in front of them, i act like there’s no pain and everything is okay even though deep down it’s a completely different story. upon seeing them off, i closed the front door and tears immediately began to roll down my eyes. i couldn’t stop the down pour; the only way to dull my heart break way was to lay in bed. it hurts in every way and hard to accept that my life has changed drastically. i’m tired from all this i don’t know how i will handle this change to being practically disabled

day 1469 Рflooring 

together with my parents, we moved all the living room furniture over the long weekend to prepare for more home renovation. came home from work and the construction guy ripped out the public area carpet on the main floor and started laying out hardwood floor at the stairway. it will very be dusty and loud over the next couple days. i’ll miss the warm fuzzy feeling of the carpet, but i’ll have to adapt to the grainy feeling

day 1416 – grandma’s arm

my grandma is over ninety but probably healthier than me even before i turned nineteen. rarely has she made my family worry, but today i received bad news that she broke her arm from a fall. i’m worried that she’s suffering in pain, that she can’t take care of herself, that she wants my father by her side. she needs to go through a procedure and what she needs most is care that i cannot provide her. i just can’t rest easy knowing what she is going through and can only wish i could take it for her

day 1383 – mapo tofu


my family is away in asia so we had our’s early. this is the perfect time to have some lomo time. i’m stuffed from our home cooked meal as tried our hand at making mapo tofu and siu mai. it turned out very tasty. ¬†the only adjustments i would make for next time is taking out the black bean paste and the proportion of tofu to meat. we’ll be using each other as test subjects while i have the entire house to myself. the weekend passed by too quickly but it was a pleasant one

day 1342 – fortunate and unfortunate

i consider myself very lucky still eating my brother’s birthday cake with family despite everything that could go wrong is going wrong. if my reaction came any later at the speed it unfolded, i may have been on my way out. as i sit alone at night with thoughts flowing in and out, thinking i may or may not have a legacy to leave behind. i just know i still have a lot untried and unaccomplished, and all my dearest and a ton of regrets i can’t bear to leave behind