day 2217 – nothing left

i’m feeling upset and beat because it’s crunch time and i can’t seem to land anything, not even my basic back tuck. the test is in a matter of days and my x-out feels like it’s fallen apart. it’s not a required board breaking, but i have been yearning to do this and if i was only going to take the fourth dan test once in my life, i better make it be something i’ll remember. i wanted to be proud of what i did and not just do the bare minimum. at this rate, i’m not sure if it’s going to happen

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day 1287 – emotional eating

could barely keep my eyes open this morning but i still felt okay during the day. i had all the intention to go training tonight but everything kind of fell apart when evening hit. i went way off track i couldn’t get myself to go to training. instead, i turned for home where emotional eating happened. disappointment loomed over me and i feel so utterly disgusted at myself for being useless. i just want to pull a blanket over my head or better yet bury myself in a hole