through it all

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with the completion of an ultra long blackbelt test, i went home and passed out from pure exhaustion. even after it’s all said and done,  i hadn’t really recognized what i had just gone through. it certainly took a few days not only for my body to recover, but also for my mind to digest what i just really accomplished. when i first took up this sport, i only thought of it as a short term activity with little or next to no goals. it’s funny when i began this journey, everyone questioned why i chose this martial art because my legs were already so beaten as it is. being my stubborn self, i did it to prove to those who said i couldn’t do it because my body won’t manage. thinking back, i do feel ashamed that i didn’t have much commitment from the beginning and set a very low goal going in; but a few unexpected circumstances and many small things propelled me to this point. little did i expect to still be practicing taekwondo so many years after and be going for my third dan today. what i also didn’t expect was to be an integral piece of the puzzle, in instructing, coaching and competing; and competing at a level that requires traveling across canada and even out of the country. through competitions, i have turned some heads, gained some respect and earned some recognition both provincially and internationally. i give my instructors a ton of credit for giving me that extra push and getting me to where i am now. i can comfortably sit back today and realize what i had just accomplished is far beyond what i, myself, and the entire population thought i could attain; something that many may never achieve. i know there comes a time when i must hang it up, but that time is not now. i still have some competitions and accomplishments ahead of me, i don’t want to call it quits and not use my skills to its fullest potential

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day 603 – supps arrived

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my extra boost arrived at a good time. precisely what i needed to remind myself to stay on top of things. this whole depressing phase has taken its toll and worn me out in too many ways. nothing has been settled and nothing has been thought through, but i need to stop digging a deeper hole for myself and get back to the grind regardless of the situation. but i know that there will be sunshine after the rain