day 1774 – cycle game

civil war with friends and foes was fun as usual. the quality of my girl’s line has improved significantly from the start of the summer rivlary. we’re linking passes and slowly incorporating a cycle game. my legs were feeling really heavy even before the play started; my first shift of the night felt like a late game shift. i guess all that leg usage is starting to catch up to me. i’m kind of glad that pahl summer season ended yesterday so i can have a little time to rest those weary legs

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day 1733 – double double headersĀ 


never have i played four games in one day, two double headers on the menu today. first double header is 9am softball in this rainy condition. it was so nice to have a hot shower after being soaked from the rain and mucky gravel fields. by the time i made it to the fourth and final game of the day, my brain has already shut down and my legs no longer want to function. at the end of all the games, hung out with the guys to chow down on wings. i’ll have to reconsider another four game day

day 1642 – baker wrap

can’t say it hasn’t been a great weekend out at the glacial baker retreat. the cabin crew at kardashians was awesome to chill and room with. it’s great to see everyone together since everyone brings something unique to the table and we collectively make so much happen. i learned that i’m much more suited for urban city than the wilderness, and that i wouldn’t survive in the woods because i can’t start a fire. through this retreat, bonds have strengthened and i definitely look forward to our next outing

day 1572 – promotion test

after calling out the test for one hundred and thirty students, i get some well deserved mat time. it was insane for me to lead every individual group from white to red belt, more talking than i would do in a whole week. it was more oa test for me than the students as fifties and sixties is the normal range. i don’t think i’ll survive another one of these tests alone so another instructor better step up soon. got home after some window shopping and a long promotion test in time to have my first meal of the day just shy of nine o’clock

day 1549 – surgery reversed

i was prepared to spend my day here and walk out with metal inserts. did all sorts of tests, hooked up to machines, confirmed anesthetics, then the surgeon came and said he didn’t believe he could make it any better with a metal plate. i’m more than slightly confused with the turn of events; i don’t have a choice but to follow his plan of action of treatments at his clinic. after four or five hours of checkups and a few holes, i was discharged without being operated on. hospital aside, the transparency at one of my major life event is unacceptable and more than a red flag. i think i’ll forever remember this day as the day my heart broke

day 1490 – many milesĀ 

one thousand two hundred odd kilometres later, i have made another loop around portland. road trips are meant to be fun but don’t realize how tiring it can be until i get home. intake was upped significantly during the vacation days, i must once again put on eating restraints; maybe i don’t mind having eating disorder again. it’s good to be back home sleeping on my own bed even if it feels like a sauna

day 1425 – waterworks

when was the last time i smiled from the heart?? please take me back in time and erase the nightmare i’ve been trapped in. there’s just no smiling today; not even the fakest. the only thing i did was cry as it continuously and uncontrollably roll down. my eyes were like waterfall no matter how hard i tried not to think. my eyes are tired, my mind is tired and so is my heart. the uncertainties of what i should do is far from over. i can’t imagine going to work tomorrow and anything acting like myself