day 1537 – air

perhaps i might be better off if i never even bothered waking up and getting out of bed after an uneasy night. i did a lot of thinking and reflecting in the past waking hours of why i have to suffer through what doesn’t even treat me right. so many questions in my head left unquestioned notably how i’m going to continue onward. realizing this is the time to figure out what everything means to me and what i’m worth to others. went through the day with no emotions and a big void inside. surprisingly didn’t even see a drop of tear; maybe my tears went dry, or maybe i learn to block out feelings as if i had none

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whistler wonderland

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up whistler mountain we go for our little weekend escape with a blend of indoor and outdoor time. we skied whistler mountain on the first day and blackcomb mountain on the next, but both days returned to our hotel mildly frozen and then instantly warmed with a cappuccino. a great way to celebrate our ninth dining at earls and pigging out on my sirloin steak which isn’t in my normal diet. i had a good weekend not working, not stressing about school, not responding to emails, and almost undivided attention on skiing and of course mo. ideally would’ve liked to get more skiing in, but it is what it is and i’ll be sure to have more chances later this month. it was fun while it lasted, definitely looking to extend it on the next one. i have a feeling we’ll both want a warmer destination on our next go

day 709 – bowl of cherries

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life is like a bowl of cherries. that’s how i wish my life was right now, except it’s completely opposite. constant struggles and endless thinking but still no answer as to what i need to do to get past the road block. even when i am tired, i cannot fall asleep at night because my brain is still spinning in circles. been juggling a lot and going through some rough patches, i find myself wanting to think of a solution but when i can’t i just want to escape reality

day 107 – in search of the exit to my tunnel

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someone said this is the happiest place on earth. take me there so i can escape all the sorrow, stress, anger and depressing reality i am stuck in now. living life the wrong way. there will be better days ahead, just one of those times when i must dig deep to find that exit out of this long and dark tunnel