day 1498 – hiatus

having a hard time accepting the point it’s gotten to and where it’s headed. the hiatus must be changed because i feel it has regressed. i’m not going to settle for less because satisfactory just doesn’t cut it. when asked what i’m getting in return from all my sacrifices, i really couldn’t answer. now that i think about it, i’ve sacrificed myself too much without really much in return just because i let my limits be pushed. the accumulated frustration of neglected feelings and my well-being is tarting to show and i hate to think that i’m only called upon when i can be of benefit. i was warned that i’ll reach the point of snapping when i’m fed up with the one-sidedness

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day 1364 – toasting 

i can tell you such restricting diet sucks when all i really wanted today was a chocolate chip cookie. it’s times like this when i crave all the bad stuff that i consistently pry myself from anyways. i’ve had enough plain bread and blandness the past week. my first trial run of first real food was an egg and my treat of the day was pint sized chicken udon for dinner. people have been telling me i shrunk, and my face is noticeably paler, skinnier and look borderline unhealthy

day 1297 – where is it


not pleased that i just can’t find the determination i had when i was on top of my game. i’ve slipped far down and reality check startled me and no confidence took a big hit. i miss those days when i stayed focus on what i wanted. the hardest part is finding it and running with it. things will have to be different from here on because i can no longer tolerate my own  lapse

30 share it [thirty one]

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last meal of the year is a hotpot at home paired with a canucks win against the oilers. there’s no party for me this year; i just wanted to lay low and let christmas eve be as mellow as possible. i’m so done with all these feasts and drinking fests, this will be the last of the holiday craziness. i’ve been feeling tired the past two days but i’m not sure why i don’t sleep in during my holiday, maybe it’s the workaholic in me

day 1033 – home sweet home

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words cannot describe how relieved i am to be back in vancity. not long after landing from my flight, i was met with a big surprise. aside from a couple hours of taekwondo duties, we spent the entire day together eating, strolling, working out and chilling like we normally do. i am lucky to have such a thoughtful man that stands beside me no matter how many miles we are apart. the tough stretch of being in different time zones is over. i am so done of traveling and plane rides for a while. we shouldn’t be separated for quite some time

mental game

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bad habits always gets me. every time i feel like i am in exhaustion, i will stop short of completion and make myself believe enough is enough. i have just come to accept the fact that my mental game is not as strong as it needs to be, and that there’s nothing i can do to improve that aspect. this shortcoming is probably an explanation as to why my game has remained stagnant over the years, where i stop short and fail to take my game to the next level. and this only becomes a cyclical process where when i don’t perform well, i tend to hang my head but not focus on finding the underlying problems and dealing with it head on. just today i was reminded that my body is stronger than i think and when fatigue sets in, the mind is usually the first to give in. so when training in and out of the gym, or anywhere for that matter, it is as much training for my mentality as it is for my physicality. it is good that i get to work alongside some of the most motivational individuals because reality is i need constant reminder that i must stop at nothing until i push out the last rep of the last set. the kind of people that are never satisfied and always challenging me to be better and only then will i come to the realization that i can do things i thought i never could. these individuals keep me honest and lets me know that i ain’t going anywhere until i complete it cause anything below my maximum capability is unacceptable.  i think my recent knee ligament that made me forgo my november competition really caused the damage – in a good way. there’s been a recent spark in me that i want it more than ever before; that i am willing to work hard for what i want to achieve and i am going to tackle my weaknesses head on. i no longer want my game to remain the same. i have some ambitious goals to reach and it certainly wouldn’t reach itself. i am ready to take that next step in further enhancing my game, and i am determined to do whatever it takes. the power is in me and it is up to me to train it to work to live up to my fullest potential. i do believe it is in me

day 723 – why won’t you stop

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is nineteen images in one day really necessary? why must you spam me with all these images that i am not keen on reading, for the third time. would much rather be spending my time doing many other things than reading the same old things over and over again, all of the same content but from different sources. my whatsapp is not meant for this, nor is my email for this matter