another term of killarney started today. like any start of a new term, the first day is always busy tending to new students and registrations. i sit in the empty dojo after everyone filed out and reflected on the day. i’m happy that the enrolment has grown this term; the number of registrants across saturday class is more than any previous terms since my instructor days began. i’m very happy that my taekwondo class has reached more people than ever before and looking to continue growing this sport and business as a whole
taking things a little personal and realizing i need to do something about it. it bothers me enough to tear up a little. it’s one of those things when i don’t feel deserving and i’m stubborn enough to do it. i prefer not eating and i will feel that way until i can hit the gym again. i’ll get hangry at times, but eating is secondary to being good enough in my own terms – not to mention it conserves time and money. it’s a little easier to get around it when parents are out of town
i don’t know what exactly is going on, i just know that something is not right. i packed and planned what to eat daily, but i somehow accidentally on purpose refuse to eat. after a day’s work, a workout and a night of dodgeball, i find myself sitting at eight hundred. the outrageously low intake is slightly worrisome especially on a day like this when i have so much exertion. because i stack my schedule with back to back to backs, i don’t put eating as a priority. i get home not sure if i should eat or just sleep. i know for a fact my stomach is empty, but i tell myself that as long as i can fall sleep, it will solve the problem
long day on the mats that spanned ten hours with a break that wasn’t even a break. it wasn’t even necessary when i was already past my point of hunger. the promotion test went well, but the impromptu meeting the grandmaster called was rather disconcerting because he wanted and expected us to shoulder more than what we’re currently taking on. i know some of his disappointment was directed at me because i made the wrong call at portland to pass on that seminar. well after digesting that discussion is realizing i need to feed my empty stomach
sleeping has been an issue the last couple days. falling asleep has become increasingly difficult; waking up feeling like i never slept last night. i lay in bed seeing the clock strike 2am, then 3am and realizing my alarm is set to ring in four hours. it’s never a good sign when i get agitated easily and don’t feel up to doing anything productive. these days when i am indifferent about everything gives me a terrible and empty feeling inside. could it be the stress and unease as the competition date gets closer??
did absolutely nothing besides sleep, eat and more sleep. i don’t recall what i ate today but even if i did, it probably had no flavour to it. life is outright boring when i can’t be myself and function like always. time passes by a lot slower when i am not having any fun. i know it’s only been three days, but my body truly believes it’s been rotting for three weeks. i think i am going to try to hit the gym tomorrow regardless, unless i collapse before i make it there
finally my turn to watch the charlie brown movie. i personally thought it was decently funny and entertaining even though it probably wasn’t a movie that required a cineplex showing but i just went for the heck of it. it felt weird being in such an empty theatre, i guess partially because it’s an older movie and also factor in not being cheap ticket tuesdays. enjoyed my thursday evening sitting back catching a movie and getting my flipping session in. i am pleased with the progress i made today and hope that it will be video worthy next time