day 1555 – victim 

i had a lot of trouble sleeping tonight. what makes me such a good victim for people to hurt and take advantage of. i guess my feelings can be swept aside, guess promises can be broken, guess what i like or don’t like doesn’t matter anyways. at first i didn’t think i was fat but being repeatedly called that makes me believe i am indeed fat and repeatedly makes me skip meals. even after long days i force myself through the fatigue to come here simply cause i can’t eat unless i exercise. today is one of those days where i’m feeling completely burned out from a fifty eight hour work week but still dragged myself to workout because my dinner is not yet earned

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day 857 – cambie corridor

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night time on cambie looking down the street fronts and oncoming headlights. this corridor has really become my hood through the years, for everything i need and do can be found. i had a gym calling to put in my work before going out for dinner with the family. with the sky being so clear tonight, thought to myself why not take a stroll before heading home. an enjoyable stroll it was because i needed personal space to debrief and recuperate, for much of it was invaded this past week

day 850 – my time

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running on my own schedule and doing what i want to be doing. it’s all about taking back the reins of my own life and steering it where i actually want to go, not because i must go. i am thankful for all the support i have received lately, it was a tough decision but i am glad to know there’s so many people backing me up when i need it most. when was the last time i could confidently say i am living with the freedom of choice. that’s living my life

day 846 – coffee call

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i succumbed to having caffeine so here i am sitting at starbucks with my coffee in one hand while my laptop is propped in front of me. trying to be productive at the coffee shop before heading to training and dodgeball. i don’t know what exactly turned my body on, but i definitely went into it with an extra boost of energy. being able to crank out five sets of deadlifts is a hefty number. i do expect my back to feel very sorry for all that i managed to crank out today. my fitbit line is amazing and i feel great with the numbers i made today. just praying that dehydration wouldn’t play a huge factor and cause multiple calf cramps that prevents me from sleeping

day 840 – finish my set

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lights are out at the gym and i am the last one in there still trying to finish my set before the door closes. i struggled through every rep of every set, but i completed it all and made it count. the increased set and intensified circuit got me real good but i deserved it and didn’t dare think twice about complaining or skipping out reps. i know i am going to be sore tomorrow and i also have more training tomorrow, but i will take it like a champ. it’s a good kind of sore knowing i did the right thing

day 804 – numbers matter

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based on the numbers and the green bars all around, i would say thanksgiving monday was a very successful day. it was a slow start to the day being wet and rainy, but still logged a lot of activity before the day’s end. it’s a good thing i forced myself to get off my ass, otherwise i would feel like it was a pretty crappy and unfulfilling weekend no thanks to too much eating and not enough exercise

day 803 – lift them

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couldn’t get through my conscience without hitting the gym after a horrible eating day. just pigged out terribly bad past two days i feel like crap. no more thanksgiving pigging out for me, eating is so overrated. the horrible combination of bad eating and no exercise makes it so tough to get back into the thick of training, and really showed for it at the gym today. i sure didn’t make the numbers today and that’s a warning i must step it up