day 1205 – project time

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drop the idea of searching for my usb. instead of keeping my hopes up that it will one day turn up, i’m restarting my project because that’s a better use of my time. in the past i might stay upset and dwell on it, but i’m better than that now. what’s done cannot be undone, what’s past is past so just do what i need to do to get the job done. i have already proven to be more efficient the second time around; with one afternoon, the model has of my most basic elements. nerding it out today so i’ll be at the same stage soon enough. not staying up tonight since i barely got any sleep last night with an ailing hip and neck

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stumbling

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i can’t be certain if my mind and my heart will still be in one piece come end of this month. there were so many times this month when i sat alone in the dark wanting to cry, wanting to run myself through the wall, wanting to pull my hair out and wanting to quit everything. but then, when i think about it again, what good with that do?? would it solve all the problems and frustrations i have at hand?? before i did anything careless, i managed to step back to gather myself and viewed things from a broader angle. stumbling is part of life, falling down is a must because that’s when you learn what you are made of. i’m sure all the greats have fallen at some point in the lifetime but somehow they managed to get to where they are now. i know i had to make some big and extremely tough decisions lately, but i made them and will be able to live with it for the rest of my life. there’s a lot of things in my life worth striving for, a lot to look forward to in the future. i shouldn’t let one or two or a few setbacks dictate and ruin my life. i promised myself i would only give myself a week to dwell and regroup, but after that, i will once again find the determination to move closer to my dreams and goals

resolution series: [nine] honesty

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being true to yourself means not cheating yourself because in the end you will realize you are only cheating yourself. there are no shortcuts in life because if it’s something worth achieving in life, it’s worth working for. the truth is often not easy to accept and sometimes it hurts deep down, but hurting is a good thing because it shows that it matters to you. i have fallen in that trap far too many times in the past and only recently have i realized how much wake up calls mean to me. i want to get better in this aspect because it is the only way to have continuous self improvements to be the best i can be. i find it far too easy for me to fall off track, but i am glad there’s people around me who stays honest with me and gives me the hard truth when i least expect it. i would be the first person to admit i am very stubborn and when i have a certain negative thought, it doesn’t wash away easily. i tend to let little slippages that slide away drag me down with it. it’s hard being a perfectionist because i have certain standards for myself and tend to put more stress and pressure on myself than need be. i will dwell on the mistakes and let them haunt me even if it is something very minor, but i suppose that’s not entirely a bad thing. if it is something that matters to me, i will not let that slip and only go out there to prove them wrong