day 2233 – flip talks

during the late night dinner with the crew, had a bit of a truth moment when the topic of competition came up. deep down i know i want to compete, but being removed from the competition field for quite some time is a big obstacle. i know for me to make a comeback, i put a lot of pressure on myself to only compete when i’m confident i can do well; i just want to ensure i’m at my best. but as of right now so many factors are standing in my way and instilling so many doubts. for one, my foot is a problem because it’s not letting me have my preferred techniques. i can’t work on my roundoff combos and i avoid kicking combos whenever possible

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day 1960 – gaining or losing

trying something new and falling on my face is quite normal. i can’t lie about the disappointment i’ve been facing with my struggles as of late. i feel like i’ve lost the back tuck and aerial, both of which i’ve spent so long working on. the only thing i still have is my front tuck. i feel ashamed that i’m going through this struggle with my flips and tricks and very few people will understand. sports has always come rather easy all my life and my coordination has never been an issue, but for this i always second guess myself and kind of want to give up

day 1734 – triceratops

so much driving back and forth from vancouver and richmond just because i’m part timing in dinotown. after a play where the ball grazed my thumb the wrong way, it started not feeling right. knowing it’ll never be back to normal, i thought it was at least in a borderline functional state. just as i thought my thumb was back as good as it’ll ever be, i start getting doubts. i had to lay off immediately and make sure it doesn’t get worse. if it doesn’t get better, i’ll have to wear my splint again just to play 

day 612 – unchartered territory

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ten is the number that has eluded me all this time, but this morning i went into unchartered territory with all the help i can get. it was a hard run with many many doubts throughout and both my mind and body found infinite reasons to stop, but somehow the ten kilometre grind was completed and i am glad i did it. the struggle was real and it was undeniably a humbling experience. after all that work and seeing i am still in one piece, i indulged in some sushi at the end of the day to celebrate my brother’s birthday. good new is i had done the run to burn off the calories, but the bad news is it all cancelled out and i must do it again