day 1118 – fell off

img_20200130_2039418665489946250221874.jpgafter having fended off my fries craving for a week, i fell off the tracks and finally gave in. didn’t make up any sleep last night after a crazy busy weekend. i felt really tired in the afternoon but strangely couldn’t fall asleep. when i finally did, i only managed eight minutes of napping. i was suppose to go to a house party but didn’t feel like i deserved to so just went for a walk instead. maybe the built up mental and physical fatigue led me to make this horrible decision. i don’t know what went into me, but i just can’t let myself make these poor decisions again

day 912 – troublemakers

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as i sit in idleness today, someone sent a picture to remind me that i am missing my annual exec retreat. a season end retreat south of the border which will undoubtedly involve massive amount of eating, drinking, passing out, waking up hungover and then repeat. i’m disappointed that i am missing out on this retreat for other commitments. but when i think about it again, i am doing my body a huge favour – forgoing things that can’t be undone to the liver, and then i get over it

day 849 – big decisions

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i think i made one of the biggest decision since my existence but i also think it’s a necessary one. i’ve been in limbo for quite some time but i kept quiet and tried to hide everything inside. today, i took a huge leap of faith and let go of something i really should have let go long ago, but was afraid to do so. i sat at starbucks to recollect myself because i wasn’t sure if i was aware what just happened. now it’s time to collect my thoughts and think about the steps i need to take moving forward. this was an all important decision and i believe it’s the right one because without it, i would continue to be a robot assuming my regular routine. this really forces me to focus on what i really needed to do – think about what’s best for me

day 839 – not right

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i had a great weekend, only up to the moment i realize i had disobeyed all that i said i would do. i am fighting myself and feeling torn inside because i walked in with a number in mind but went well beyond that limit, i don’t know how it got so out of hand. it’s only finally hitting me hard today, the wheels have really fallen off and i don’t even know where to begin to pick myself up. what a heart felt disappointment when i have regretfully misused the trust others had in me. i failed others and most importantly i have failed myself. need to learn that discipline is choosing between what i want now and what i want most. perhaps i must be stricter and harder on myself and start my climb from the bottom again. i guess i deserved to have both my pinkies sprained during practice

what you want

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feel like i am falling off the train tracks and hitting a wall so another check in is required to make sure i know what i am doing. it’s hard to always stay on track, but always got to keep a tab on it and not let myself stray too far and even back pedal too much. when life is a long journey, must aim high and make meaningful goals and achievements to strive for. and throughout any undertaking of any goal requires discipline in many forms that makes the separation. unfortunately that also means times can get rough, minds can get lost and that’s what usually what happens to me far too often. it is important to know that the struggles and hardwork is part of the process and that the progress and eventual achievement will be well worth every ounce of effort i put in. the process is important, but knowing the reaching the top of the mountain and conquering every obstacle is the most rewarding feeling should be enough to keep at it. that i should be proud of reaching and striving, all for the greater good

version2.0

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a series of crazy and unfortunate events that occurred the past couple weeks really put my progress to a halt and even taken many unwanted steps backwards. now that the results have come back negative and clears me for my activities again, i have no excuse to go anywhere but forward. now that i am back on my two feet and with much more reassurance, rehab needs to start immediately and i can’t sit around and wait any longer for things to come to me. it’s never enough to speak of it, actions are required. if i am hungry for it, just go out and get what i want, a simple theory that tends to elude me. it is a very simple process of setting a long term goal, and never stop chasing it until you can grasp it with your own two hands. until that day i meet the standards set, i will not be proud of myself. i am tired of being the old me that only wished but never worked hard for them. now it’s time to work my ass off for no one but myself, i am ready to create v2.0

day 722 – kiddie style

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aside from burnaby public library, i don’t think i have ever seen toilets specifically sized for kids. i have outgrown those days of my dad driving me to burnaby library on the weekends. i am growing up inevitably and must work to pave the present and future days. a little inspiration on hump day doesn’t hurt; helps get me through the day and onwards with the rest of the week

today is the day

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sixteen days out, i have no time to waste and i lot to gain. today is the day that i get down to business and do whatever is required. i regretfully say that i have been way too slack recently resulting in having back tracked much too far.  i need force myself to get back into both my training and eating regime in a quick hurry, meaning no more junk and cheat meals and no more skipped trainings or gym sessions. but no more setbacks and no more straying allowed because there’s simply no backing down now. everything including my membership, flight, hotel, car, registration are all confirmed, so there’s really only one way to go – through. got my goals set, my days marked and my schedule planned, so now is the time to get into action and not give my plan a chance to falter. the only difference this time from all previous times, and might i add the most daunting thing, is i am going to have to get this done alone. i need all the support in the world and all the luck i can get. it’s now or never

day 631 – quest continues

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going about my usual routine, not much has changed and i mean it in a disappointing way. i am beginning to understand what it is i am lacking which is the all important piece to my puzzle. i just haven’t found the integral quality to get over some hurdles that keeps coming into play. until i find it, i will be on the same quest to find that missing element and hopefully everything click soon enough