day 2104 – flex day

took a flex day in anticipation that i’d be exhausted from a weekend of activities and i couldn’t be more correct. there was no way i would’ve been able to wake up at 6am for work. i slept in until 11am, and half the day was gone before i knew it. i really should be cleaning up, doing laundry and preparing food, but i mulled around and finished off my drama series. i went to flip and stayed until late despite my leg and ankle being crazily bruised up. good luck waking up for work tomorrow morning

day 1912 – design table

the new drawers we put in to the plant production finally came into the design studio. it was a massive unit hence it was a big struggle maneuvering and lifting the quartz top. with the help of eight people, we managed to transport the old out and new in. i’m just relieved the cabinet fit into the space or else all fingers points at me. the new drawers definitely puts a big upgrade to the design table and design area as a whole

day 1546 – lost craves

i’m dropping weight since i’ve gone inactive, not a bad thing as it saves me the hassle of cutting so maybe i won’t always be called fat. i’m looking to drop some more while i have a legit reason to restrain myself the calories. knowing that, i consciously haven’t had much of an appetite the past few weeks. muscles mass is taking a hit without the work i do at the gym. my body is in a confused stage and is in worse condition than normal cause it’s not used to not being used. my body just isn’t use to not taking a beating and without it, i still manage to misalign things

believe myself

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i told myself time after time that i wouldn’t spill because i shouldn’t let any negativity ruin my holiday mood, and then things happened again which really put me over the top. people never realize how much crap i take from others. i take them in like a sponge, but it never dissipates. i just bury my emotions deep inside so no one can see; hidden so well others forget i have feelings, so well sometimes i forget too. i brush it off like it doesn’t hurt but it does. i just wished people were a little more sensitive with their comments and actions.  my silence just means i chose to hold my thoughts in, but the feeling of disconnect and exclusion still exists. it hurts assumptions were made without understanding how hard i worked. those who haven’t seen me at my worst have no idea what i’ve gone through and what it was like to get here. don’t look down upon me and make presumptions that i’m not good enough. i’ve worked far too hard for anyone to tell me otherwise. i learned that even when i’m belittled, i’ll still believe in myself because i’ve proven i can stand alone. sometimes a little consideration goes a long way because never underestimate the power of the little things that make a big difference

 

day 1058 – tumbletrak

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i haven’t posted one of flipping for a long time; that’s because i haven’t been flipping for a quite a while. on the tumble trak combining two moves together to make a combo for very the first time. finally feeling confident enough to try this and it was nerve wrecking, but the spotter was there so i don’t kill myself. with this attempt, i am one step closer to nailing the combo

day 985 – imperishable

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it’s true very little can stand between me and my gym, even when my headache and cough is getting progressively worse as the day wears on. was feeling pretty shitty when i walked in, but the gym is a place that ignites me and gives me that boost of energy whenever it’s lacking; it’s my happy place. lots of people don’t agree with my recklessness, but i will do what i set out to do and would rather collapse doing so. i am a tough cookie afterall and i’d hate to skip gym

self satisfaction

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this post took far too long to write even though i knew exactly what i was thinking deep down. i’ve been reluctant partially because i didn’t know how to word it so not to come on too strong. i had a strong sense that the tide has been swaying and that certain things started to change as of late. i was beyond stressed and frustrated but sometimes i can’t differentiate whether the frustration was directed at myself or others. i’ve always been a big believer that if i believe in what i am doing, don’t let anything stop me. i have some big dreams and goals to reach and if i want to give myself the best chance, now is really the time to gear down to make it happen. some are baffled why i make the many sacrifices i do just to reach a dream that may seemingly be meaningless to them. of course i don’t expect many to agree with all the commitment and sacrifices, and some may never ever understand. only a selected few will understand what i am going through and support what i am aiming for. one being those with bottomless aspirations and endless beliefs. the other being those who have been to big stages alike. life of a competitive athlete is not easy as it requires many forms of sacrifices, determination and commitment. because of what is at stake, we must prioritize properly, be it skipping out on events, running on tight schedules, operating with little rest, or passing up on booze. i am spread very thin with a packed schedule, but believe me i’m trying my best to balance it all. my road isn’t a smooth walk in the park by all means because i have chosen a road less taken. i’d be most gratified to have my trusted peers in my journey as long as its free of judgement and negativity. in the meantime, i will keep pushing forward as long as i know what i am working towards, what it means to me and ultimately what makes me happy