self discovery

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it was more or less a self-wrecking week with so many internal and external forces pushing up against me. it was all a combination of stress from competition, school, work, people but none more so than myself. the road has not been easy as i have felt myself slowly dying inside but i didn’t want to confront and address it. it hurts to know that leakage of my stresses was stressing out others. no one has a clue what is going on in my head and it’s probably better kept that way. i’m disappointed at myself for not handling myself better and keeping my emotions a little tighter. the last thing i want is to be a burden to anyone and add unncessary flavour to anyone; i made up my mind that interacting less and speaking less will be helpful. i felt safe that way just to eliminate any chance of doing or saying the wrong things. sometimes i wonder why i need feelings when i’m better off without them. during this time, i spent some time reading quotes and looking for inspiration to get me through this stretch. i’m already at a point of self-destruction, there’s nowhere else to go but up. i know i’m strong enough to get through these ruts, and in case i’m not, i need to find a way to become stronger. i do believe i’ll find my way out and the better is on its way

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day 869 – by the litre

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i don’t drink much water or liquid in a day but i was up very late trying to down this bottle of litre water cause i said i would. so i fell off the track this week due to the uncertainties surrounding my finger which is ultimately the deciding factor for my next competition. i was very down and worried to say the least but only bottle up all those stresses and downplayed it as much as possible so not to let others worry. the past four days have been horrible; i spent much time being stressed and depressed, and couldn’t will myself to do anything. enough of being a pessimist, no matter what my physio says tomorrow, i am going to get myself back on track at being the best that i should be. don’t write me off until physio gives me the verdict. but even then, just because i don’t go to this competition, doesn’t mean i give up on my next competition

day 815 – chances slipping

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the registration deadline is closing in and my chances of being able to compete is diminishing. it’s looking a lot like i have to give up my hope of competing in pan am club cause i still am not cleared to kick. i was really looking forward to going to this one but wouldn’t sacrifice quality just so i can go. a competition would lose its meaning if i went in under trained and not able to uphold my own standard. i know very well that i would feel even worse if i went and did subpar because i am not there to participate but to contend. i guess i will turn my attention to focus on rehab and prepare for what’s next in store for me

what you want

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feel like i am falling off the train tracks and hitting a wall so another check in is required to make sure i know what i am doing. it’s hard to always stay on track, but always got to keep a tab on it and not let myself stray too far and even back pedal too much. when life is a long journey, must aim high and make meaningful goals and achievements to strive for. and throughout any undertaking of any goal requires discipline in many forms that makes the separation. unfortunately that also means times can get rough, minds can get lost and that’s what usually what happens to me far too often. it is important to know that the struggles and hardwork is part of the process and that the progress and eventual achievement will be well worth every ounce of effort i put in. the process is important, but knowing the reaching the top of the mountain and conquering every obstacle is the most rewarding feeling should be enough to keep at it. that i should be proud of reaching and striving, all for the greater good

day 746 – morning session

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good morning, waking up early for a morning session to start off my saturday right. morning gym seshs are tougher than the usual, clearly, i am not a morning gym person. doing everything i can possibly do, under my control, to steer the ship in the right direction. learning to stay patient and shoot for long term progress over short term goals. i know that i am taking tiny steps forward and making progress everyday, and only time will tell. i am trying my best, i will get there when i am meant to get there. in the meantime, i will continue to breathe and chug on

persist

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things in life that’s worth working for is rarely easy, but it’s these things that makes life interesting. it’s only human nature to give up when things get hard. it’s even easier for one to feel deflated and hopeless when life becomes more of a struggle. but just because things aren’t going our way now, doesn’t mean they will stay that way. it’s in your own control to turn things around one hundred eighty degrees and make it how you want it to be. starting something is never easy, but keeping up with it is even more difficult. the decision is made, i am about to take on a challenge that feels a little daunting with a lot of self doubts but i think once i persevere through that, i would come out a stronger and better person. eager to started because once i get my feet wet, there’s no turning back. it’s just another character building challenge with lots to prove and lots to gain. this will be an evaluation of how much i want it and how much i am willing to stick with it

鄭俊弘 – 無名氏

here’s some hamber pride to finish off the night. he’s a hamber graduate doing well in hong kong, from a nobody to a somebody making it atop the popularity canto pop hit list. like his song title says, he’s an inspiration to prove that you can do whatever you want as long as you put your mind to it. the world is so big, don’t be a nobody