day 1505 – venturesome 

hustling hard everyday just to fulfill vancouver’s living standards. trying to hustle harder to hunt down my future unit in the rising economy. at the end of each long work intensive day, i tell myself i’m going to get rewarded in the end – somehow, someway. in the meantime, the little periodic getaways are the highlights i look forward to; well earned time off to relax. i will be back for more adventures after visiting places i’ve always wanted to visit. one day, i’ll get the hawaiian or beachy trip that i’ve always wanted

day 1332 – new pumps

the major delay is over as i decided it’s finally time to pull out the new pumps. they felt amazing from the get go and required no breaking in. doing the same program but only everything seemed so much harder after taking a whole month break. it was a battle, but the satisfaction of grinding through the workout and getting my squats done overpowers. i must say i missed those lifts and glad to be cleaning again. hopefully the pumps will spark my comeback and get me back on track 

day 1297 – where is it


not pleased that i just can’t find the determination i had when i was on top of my game. i’ve slipped far down and reality check startled me and no confidence took a big hit. i miss those days when i stayed focus on what i wanted. the hardest part is finding it and running with it. things will have to be different from here on because i can no longer tolerate my own  lapse

day 1285 – badbell hog

it seems everyone is busy with super bowl sunday so there’s no meatheads to be seen. i had the whole cage to myself so i carried out my work using a pair of barbells. i decided my big weights for leg must go on after power skating, so even though skating session today was a tougher one than all previous times, i couldn’t change my mind. i knew i made a mistake of deciding to go straight into that workout, but i don’t regret one bit of having completed it as planned. it was heavy on my shoulders and my legs still feel the burn as i lay in bed, but the fact i pushed through is satisfying 

day 1249 – year end work

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closing the year off where i want to be. although there were distractions at the gym, being plugged in helped cancel out some of that noise. though it still hurts to do a lot if things and it still hurts knowing i’m still under restrictions, i still had a decent eve workout. here’s hoping more good workouts for 2017 and following through gunning for better fitgoals. i’ll never stop chasing for what i want knowing where i once was. i need to stay confident in myself no matter how much doubts and put downs i face

30 share it [twenty six]

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i’m disappointed there’s so little belief in me and although it doesn’t take anything away from my ability, it bugs me more than i show it. it sucks to be looked upon with double standards because some just can’t accept the fact that girls can have the same abilities. i guess it’s all about their egos. i can’t control what others choose to believe, but i can control what i can do. i’ll still keep pushing forward like always

 

self discovery

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it was more or less a self-wrecking week with so many internal and external forces pushing up against me. it was all a combination of stress from competition, school, work, people but none more so than myself. the road has not been easy as i have felt myself slowly dying inside but i didn’t want to confront and address it. it hurts to know that leakage of my stresses was stressing out others. no one has a clue what is going on in my head and it’s probably better kept that way. i’m disappointed at myself for not handling myself better and keeping my emotions a little tighter. the last thing i want is to be a burden to anyone and add unncessary flavour to anyone; i made up my mind that interacting less and speaking less will be helpful. i felt safe that way just to eliminate any chance of doing or saying the wrong things. sometimes i wonder why i need feelings when i’m better off without them. during this time, i spent some time reading quotes and looking for inspiration to get me through this stretch. i’m already at a point of self-destruction, there’s nowhere else to go but up. i know i’m strong enough to get through these ruts, and in case i’m not, i need to find a way to become stronger. i do believe i’ll find my way out and the better is on its way