day 1548 Рhand specialist 


i know my way around the clinic the second time around and the same radiologist helped me take another batch of xrays. the bad news couldn’t get any worse each batch as the ones taken today shows my bone is now displaced and not in the right place. with that, the specialist decided surgery will take place tomorrow and i’ll be opened to do one of the two possible procedures. the news hit me hard, so stunned i wasn’t able to collect any of my emotions to react or think. the rest of the day was a blur because i felt completely empty inside with no feelings, no appetite, no motivation and none of anything. i beared all that burden alone as if i’ve always been alone from the start. i finally cried well into the evening and i’m glad i did; i found out at least i have emotions. i’m not scared of the procedure, but the thought of having something inserted in me makes me not me

day 388 – alternating legs

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one day it feels fine and next day its completely opposite. this time attending to my left leg that somehow messed up without my awareness. there’s been unwanted scraping and clicking sounds when doing certain movements which has got me worried. both kneecaps taking turns breaking down constantly challenges my physical and mental aptitude. i don’t know what i have ever done to them but i know my knees hate me for life