day 1693 – say no

i dreamt that i was really stressed at work and turns out i had a good reason to. three of my tech members were away or sick. it’s irritating when one of then has been missing a lot of time giving reasons like slept in, migraine, stomachache or lung disease. it bugs me how low their threshold is, to call in sick so hastily and so often. i, too, am in quite some discomfort, but here i am at work responsible and trying to get some things done

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day 1525 – damaged body

the appointment was so early i woke up close to a dozen times worried that i would miss it. had my butt looked at after being in utter discomfort; seeing much bruising made me worrisome. to fix my misalignment and damages, i had adjustments made for my tailbone and hip flexor. the wrist pain is getting really bad it’s not really a functioning hand at the moment; adds to the insult of my other already tendon damaged hand. physio got angry at me for pushing this appointment two weeks late but work just doesn’t allow for it. i’m kind of sad i’m already so utterly broken right now, a little consideration would be nice

day 1517 – ruined

nothing but disappointment missing my monday workout, missing dodgeball but that’s exactly what happened today. this forces me to rearrange this week’s workout schedule. i haven’t cramped this hard in a long time, but it was more than that which made it worse than waking up on the wrong side of the bed. it was an unrestful night where i laid in bed for hours not being able to fall asleep and when i finally do, i get woken up several times in sweat. even in terrible condition, had no choice but to to go to work because i had stuff to hand over

day 1435 – monotonous 

another day and another sleep deprived night. it was hard enough to fall asleep, but it was harder to stay asleep; i couldn’t stop waking up thinking i overslept. the discomfort today got so much i resorted to some tylenol so to dull the discomfort. for the rest of the day it felt like a drag and i wasn’t really present. i had no appetite by dinner time i didn’t even bother. affected me everywhere at rehab and even just lying down

day 1250 – diffident

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it was new years day and i just wanted to be home so i could be antisocial. being rattled and feeling unworthy in so many ways. my disappointment and discomfort loomed over, i didn’t even make it into the gym. instead, i rang in the new year with all sorts of organizational work and kept myself as busy as possible. i worked like a robot and had a productive day, but i didn’t feel much satisfaction. i spent the night spilling my thoughts on the keyboard to erase today and start again tomorrow

day 400 – need to fix

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still in terrible discomfort and needing relief and adjustment is the current priority of my life. not understanding the cause behind all the complications and not long until i run out of patience trying to understand. someone help me do a knee replacement so i can happily continue living my life the way it should be. pain has been such a big part of my life, it is certainly a privilege to live pain free for one day. also noting that blogging my 400th day is quite an achievement