day 2527 – hand imaging

finally going into the imaging centre to take xrays on my finger. the delay is because i was in denial that my hunch was correct. even though i had a hunch and i knew very well something was wrong, the confirmed fracture made my heart sink and made me feel deflated. all this time i’ve been on it and training with an unconfirmed fractured finger. at least i found out the real results after two weeks of guessing. the steps ahead are very unclear for the time being. i can only look forward to taking care of this finger the best i can

day 2523 – nothingness

i had a super frustrating training session at tricking and left the gym crying. i’ve been going at cart fronts and btwists for some time but there’s next to no progress to show for. the coach would point out that i’m doing things wrong, but no matter what i do, i can’t seem to do what the coach is telling me do so he’s also given up on me. as much as i want to slow down and work on the technique, i don’t know how it feels like to be right. i feel so hopeless that part of me thinks i should give up on it because i’ll never get it. i’m told to take a break and work on something else, but that’s happened for all my moves, and as it stands i’ve accomplished nothing

day 2513 – national sushi day

the letdown was real when i had to skip my apex session and tricking class because my knee is in terribly rough shape. the only salvaging factor was my friends coming over for a garage lifting session. wasn’t expecting to do a whole lot without my legs under me, but turns out i untapped new territory benching ninety pounds for five reps without relying on my spot. the sushi for lunch afterwards made me feel a little better even though nothing will really make up for what i have to sacrifice

day 2502 – surrendered

after a night of ankle disappointment, i still persisted to do the normal morning lift. it wasn’t the normal workload, but it was all that i could muster; did lighter deadlifts and changed up the squats for some overhead presses. it’s also the first time i took a step back and surrendered tricking class even though i wasn’t busy. it didn’t feel right missing my tricking routine, but it also felt right because my body needed to rest and reset. i thought it made more sense to sacrifice today’s class for a chance to have a stronger week

day 2501 – ankle breakdowns

very concerning my ankle just randomly decided to breakdown during open gym. my training session started off strong even though my energy level was low. my flash kicks felt the best it’s very been on blue. after a dozen reps, the pressure in my ankle was so much i couldn’t really weight bear anymore. the rest of the session was a drag because i couldn’t do anything and except maybe handstands. i guess the beginning was just a false sense of energy

day 2415 – phone spam

waited well after class until all other classes and students dissipated so we could have some space and equipment to work with. during the wait, we had fun trying out the vlogger life by spamming photos and videos on someone’s unattended phone. sadly neither my back tuck nor any of my kicks felt good today. i did get a chance at the very end to work on my webster and aerial takeoff. i’m still ashamed i don’t get it and i can’t tell if i’m making progress with it

day 2376 – not deserving

i felt like crap after training because i simply couldn’t replicate and connect my cartwheel with anything going backwards. i wanted help but no chance because he’s too focused helping one person. left the gym disappointed beating myself up. i didn’t deserve to eat so i went straight home so i wouldn’t tear up in front of people. whenever i don’t do what i need to, i would punish myself with no food because eating needs to be earned

day 2451 – snowy disappointment

the forecast was correct as snow fell overnight. it wasn’t a whole lot, so i could still drive my mom’s car to work. i was hit with a bunch of disappointment at flipping tonight. what i felt in december came back again – i felt like i wasn’t getting the same support and learning opportunity. i’m pretty frustrated i’m not getting what i need to make progress. all i ever hear is i’m making progress, i’m missing technique; but i’m not getting any support or guidance as to how to fix that technique or what it is i need to do to get there. it’s the neglect and the constant empty promises that’s really getting to me. maybe my initial gut feeling was correct and i should pack it in because no one believes i can land anything anymore

day 2324 – reasons to quit

rough day doing flips today made me think of a lot of things that wasn’t suppose to cross my mind. i get the feeling others have already written me off and that i’ll no longer be able to land anything anymore. it’s unfair to be left hanging and it’s the main reason i’m considering quitting. i’m not a person that can settle with no foreseeable goals. in my mind, i’m thinking if i don’t land a new move either webster, butterfly twist, flash or flash gainer before the end of this year, i’m going to call it quits. maybe it’s better for everyone anyway so i’m not given false hope that i can be any good

day 2318 – cloudkicks battle

i can’t say i’m not disappointed i cannot participate in any of the cloudkicks events and workshops this weekend. a rough november full of injuries and accidents didn’t leave much hope for me to train or participate in anything. the least i could do is to sit on the sidelines and watch everyone else have fun. it’s was a treat to watch all the crazy tricks and battles happen before my very eyes. hopefully next year this time, i’ll have some improved body parts to work with