day 1882 – blurried

my goal got a little blurried last two days so needed a reminder for myself. i’m not happy with how i went off track the last two days. all i know is it’s time to pull myself back into it. i need to find ways to hold myself accountable for the things i set out to do. recognizing i faltered and knowing i’m the only one who can fix the problem and move onwards to get it right again

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day 1447 – edgy  

my ankle was tender and swollen even after icing the night. haven’t seen a doctor to look at the bone but i was determined to go to nash regardless. so determined i iced on my way to work and while at work. did everything to force it because i wasn’t about to skip another leg day and leave any regrets. i went through my normal routine minus the box jumps. i’ve noticed my strength is returning to me and happy to take that one plate back. good sign squatting and deadlifting didn’t cause any additional pain

day 937 – pistol unlocked

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quads were feeling so jelly i could’ve sworn i wouldn’t be able to do any physio exercises this morning. kin being his own self, urged me to get things done. he, who introduced pistols in my life, has been egging me on to get it down for the past year. my dominant side got it within the first month but severe imbalances made my weak side impossible. kin demanded it again today and i hastily tried, not expecting to come close just like my past nine hundred failed attempts. lo and behold, i went all the way down and all the way up and before i knew it, i had just completed my first ever pistol squat on what i call my broken left. this is a significant milestone because it’s something i’ve been working towards for so long. it’s truly a testament to prove that hardwork, belief and determination really does pay off. thank you for pushing me and never settling for less

stumbling

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i can’t be certain if my mind and my heart will still be in one piece come end of this month. there were so many times this month when i sat alone in the dark wanting to cry, wanting to run myself through the wall, wanting to pull my hair out and wanting to quit everything. but then, when i think about it again, what good with that do?? would it solve all the problems and frustrations i have at hand?? before i did anything careless, i managed to step back to gather myself and viewed things from a broader angle. stumbling is part of life, falling down is a must because that’s when you learn what you are made of. i’m sure all the greats have fallen at some point in the lifetime but somehow they managed to get to where they are now. i know i had to make some big and extremely tough decisions lately, but i made them and will be able to live with it for the rest of my life. there’s a lot of things in my life worth striving for, a lot to look forward to in the future. i shouldn’t let one or two or a few setbacks dictate and ruin my life. i promised myself i would only give myself a week to dwell and regroup, but after that, i will once again find the determination to move closer to my dreams and goals

mental game

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bad habits always gets me. every time i feel like i am in exhaustion, i will stop short of completion and make myself believe enough is enough. i have just come to accept the fact that my mental game is not as strong as it needs to be, and that there’s nothing i can do to improve that aspect. this shortcoming is probably an explanation as to why my game has remained stagnant over the years, where i stop short and fail to take my game to the next level. and this only becomes a cyclical process where when i don’t perform well, i tend to hang my head but not focus on finding the underlying problems and dealing with it head on. just today i was reminded that my body is stronger than i think and when fatigue sets in, the mind is usually the first to give in. so when training in and out of the gym, or anywhere for that matter, it is as much training for my mentality as it is for my physicality. it is good that i get to work alongside some of the most motivational individuals because reality is i need constant reminder that i must stop at nothing until i push out the last rep of the last set. the kind of people that are never satisfied and always challenging me to be better and only then will i come to the realization that i can do things i thought i never could. these individuals keep me honest and lets me know that i ain’t going anywhere until i complete it cause anything below my maximum capability is unacceptable.  i think my recent knee ligament that made me forgo my november competition really caused the damage – in a good way. there’s been a recent spark in me that i want it more than ever before; that i am willing to work hard for what i want to achieve and i am going to tackle my weaknesses head on. i no longer want my game to remain the same. i have some ambitious goals to reach and it certainly wouldn’t reach itself. i am ready to take that next step in further enhancing my game, and i am determined to do whatever it takes. the power is in me and it is up to me to train it to work to live up to my fullest potential. i do believe it is in me

day 763 – getting sweaty

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despite bouts of headaches and some sort of unknown illness, i was determined to start september on the right foot; the first of september means first of september. august had its ups and downs, but many things are about to change and things are really going to take off in september, i won’t let it slip away without getting what i want. in the meantime, keep grinding even when times are tough

transitioning

imagewith so much happening in the next four months, getting it back to normal starting april will be crucial to everything upcoming in may, june and july. another wake up call is needed on this day because i have fallen off the tracks and been procrastinating far too often. it was as simple as stating the obvious and getting right to the point because i am stupid so going around the matter doesn’t really get the point across. upon hearing what was said, the analogy that i have been slapped in the face, punched in the gut and stabbed in the heart sounds about right; which could only mean everything said was spot on. the fact that it hurt and affected me could only mean good things because it means i care and now understand the effort i put forth is unacceptable. i am glad someone found an effective way to provoke me and light the fire i have from within. i cannot lose sight of my destination or forget about how far i want to go but all this cannot be achieved if i don’t start today and stick with it everyday after that. today is the day to start because just thinking about it does absolutely nothing and result in no progression. at least now i have awoken and will make the necessary changes to do what is right