day 1624 – matters matter

managing people requires understanding behavior and tapping into a person’s mind. in other words, it requires the science of psychology. and that’s exactly what i’m dealing with at work. i have new found respect for my manager as i finally felt what he goes through on a daily basis. after dealing with some, i sat down with him and he helped me put everything back into perspective. truth is stepping into a managing role means i can no longer shy away from dealing with people friction. i may not be used to it yet, but it’s a privilege to be growing professionally. finishing up eleven hours at the office before another two at taekwondo is going above and beyond; but always want more than i can physically give

day 1561 – bandwidth 

i can’t control that some people are toxic and can’t mind their own business. no matter how i take care of my tasks, there’s always going to be somebody ready to stir the pot. my bandwidth is full with projects stacked on projects, it has no capacity to deal with bullshit. i had a long talk with manager because he obviously saw the frustration in my eyes. he is coaching me through the management side of things and mentioned that if i wasn’t an important member, they wouldn’t even bother picking on me. i’m going to continue to keep a good strong head on my shoulder and work on getting it better than ever no matter what the situation is. if people misunderstand and make ignorant assumptions, so be it

day 1170 – tired brain

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some thoughts are really getting to me lately. it bugs me, but speaking my heart is hard. maybe i am just faulty or maybe i just need to suck it up and accept not being accepted. i try to not let these thoughts get in my head, but it’s only human. the storm is coming and i’m not looking forward to going outside; perhaps once this rainstorm is over, it’ll be over for me too

resolution series: [twentyeight] pity

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everyone has their own problems to deal with, some less complex than others. there’s no secret that i have been plagued with endless injuries throughout my life. i have given up on trying to hide that, because i have learned that patchwork only makes it go away on the superficial level. unfortunately that’s just temporary fix and will keep piling on to account for greater problems. i simply cannot live without the sports and activities which i play, for it is the passion of my life. it won’t be forever, but it is my choice to continue playing and practicing them for as long as i can manage. i do intend on doing everything i can within my powers to do my rehab and maintenance work. my main focus is on getting better and stronger every single day; always be a better version of myself. don’t question my will to strive for what i want just because you have it easier. don’t question my passion to always stay hungry and carry on even when nothing goes my way. don’t question how big my heart is when you don’t know how much pain i have endured. don’t question my toughness if you don’t know what i experienced because very few people have a clue how much work, time, energy and commitment i put into making all this possible. standing on my own two feet was never a given to me, but i learn to be grateful for all the times i can. sometimes i sit alone thinking to myself i don’t deserve to be dealing with all these mishaps and i certainly don’t deserve your bashing or judgement. i need not your pity nor your approval for what i have to go through as i result of what i do. i was given this life and these obstacles because i could handle it. i appreciate those who’s helped me out along the way, it’s meant the world to me. if you have nothing good to say, don’t speak

resolution series: [ten] fitspo

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for kids, bumps and bruises, sprains and breaks heal quickly. but once the teens passes you by, you realize these problems persist longer than what you are used to. you can no longer be as carefree when attempting something because that innocence starts to leave your mind and childhood is inevitably leaving your body. that’s for normal people, but it’s an entirely different story for me. i started getting injured at a very early age and because sports is my passion, it makes it my weakness. my personality and lack of patience doesn’t allow me to rest long enough before going back out and playing again. without letting it heal properly like it should, i push it far too hard much too soon. i have been fortunate i have had an awesome physio overlooking me for over the past dozen years cause without him, i either will not be walking today, or wouldn’t be involved in any of the sports. because of the team that supports me in the back end, i can continue to do the things i love. when i was younger, i never fully understood why they were forcing me to do all these training and boring rehab exercises, but i slowly come to realize what they put me through is only for my own good. ever since then, i told myself i would make that change by listening to them and letting them push me as hard as they see fit. it gives me the satisfication to look back at when i first started and notice how much better and stronger i have gotten over the years and the work and effort i pitched in are finally starting to pay off. the deal is simple, i do my maintenance work and take care of my body the right way, then i get to go out and do my thing. i need to continually get stronger in order to get better at what i do and be the best that i can be. taking care of my body is definitely top priority in the long run. and when i stray away from that, my wallpaper and backgrounds act as a reminder to always shut up and train

poomsae uniform debut

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okay i am not going to lie, i am as tired as i look in that picture all due to plenty of last minute cramming. not to mention dealing with a completely battered body because of cramming in late night practices days before. had a severe groin pull and major pre competition mental crisis even my friend ben couldn’t help out this time no matter how many times i slapped it on myself. luckily the adrenaline carried me through my part of the competition, but my groin was immobile the rest of the way and i needed major help in every way. i was contemplating for the longest time if it was the right time to pull out my new poomsae uniform, simply because i don’t feel ready and worthy of wearing this just yet. given what i had to work with, i am satisfied with my performance and no one can deny that

day 552 – vmo

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no secret what is the underlying issue that i try to slip through under the radar all these years. i knew it was only a matter of time until muscle imbalance catches up to me. today, physio finally forced it upon me to work my vmo using the muscle stimulator and i am already not fond of that device. both kinesiologist and physio flat out said it’s a tortuous process where the machine would cause a lot of painful contractions but said that i am forced to do it for as long as it needs to catch up. its a brutal process, but it must be done because he’s not going to let me off the hook anymore