2099 – softball season

i was unable to attend softball opening weekend so espr season kicks off for me with a double header. i got reacquainted at first base which is the position i’ll probably play at most of the season. the swing is a little off after eight month off season. i only managed to get on base three of the six at bats. i took a hard ball to the shin early in the second double header which got me limping. i didn’t need to unroll my high socks during the game because i already saw a big bump forming. when i got home, i checked the damage but made the executive decision i didn’t need to get it examined further

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day 1975 – paypower

using the mastercard paypower i got from star performer spin the wheel to help out my extensive hobby of online shopping. even though i didn’t physically join the boxing day mall crowds, i bought a few things and spent quite a bit of money. some were impulsive buys but i needed more tech savvy things. i must contain myself after the holiday season is over and until i can recover for the damage of all these sales

day 1907 – scruffed

shadow suffered some scratches all because i made a bad decision when i could have easily backed up. it stings me a lot to see the scruff marks and i definitely will not pull forward next time this comes up again. got home and immediately used wax hoping it would make lessen the damage that i had already put it through. i’m very disappointed in myself for making this ill-advised error

day 1520 Рgrowlers 

i had no handle on what damages could happen today, but i have three appointments lined up. honestly think i make terrible decisions but i really wanted to play dodgeball after sitting out for an extra ten days. it’s taped up to the point where almost no skin on my hand is visible, yet it still hurts to grip the ball, catch the ball, throw the ball. i came out not thrilled expecting more, but at least playing today didn’t make it much worse

feelings or not

through the years of breaking and mending myself, i can confirm that pain tolerance is something i’m well developed with. it’s as if people assume i either don’t have feelings to show for or my feelings don’t matter regardless. people often don’t see how damaging words can be; only the person on the receiving end can truly feel the impact. i can confirm that i’ve trained myself to not have feelings because even if i once had, it should be defected by now. i learned that i will never voice my displeasure and not show any emotions even when i’m clearly uncomfortable taking them in. my emotions are kept in the safest place beneath the impermeable layers . i’m constantly being reminded that no matter what i do, nothing will be good enough because their perceptions will always remain. i guess some just finds pleasure in making others feel bad and undeserving; and they’ve succeeded to ingrain that in me on many different levels. whatever their intentions are, if saying such things satisfies their needs, so be it because being selfless is something i strive for. when negative comments are fired, all i have to do is deactivate what’s left of my feelings and everything will be okay

day 670 – sketch model

image

i like cutting stuff and making models but today’s sketch tower model was almost a costly one. had a really close call as i nearly slit my finger while cutting carelessly fast rushing to finish. being too casual with the xacto knife almost to the point of carelessness. probably a good time thing to slow it down or take a break so not to cause anymore unnecessary damages