its an activities overload kind of day and there wasn’t much of a meal at all. lunch was banana pancakes, pregame was banana pancakes, between games was snack wrap and post game was e-noodle and ice cream. my legs gave were long dead my jdp game was over but still must play my heart out for civil war. i ended up scoring the prettiest goal of my life – stole the puck off a forecheck and deked out the goalie to roof it. too bad there was no go pro present to record the epic goal. there’s still so much i need to clean up in my game, but i’m happy i played my heart out today and make a statement. it’s extra sweet for all the criticism i took last week
i would be in a better place if only i could see eye to eye with this quote. getting bashed is something i’ve gotten too used to growing up. for years and years, i’ve always struggled with confidence, mainly self confidence. never came naturally and at times questioned if it even exists. i always thought of all my imperfections and in my mind i always had a vision of what perfect is. i thought i had found some latter part of last year when i was at my peak and everything felt well, but that has diminished. being a person that’s largely affected by other’s words, i take every put down personal. lately i’ve fallen depressed and almost ashamed of myself in so many ways. i wasn’t happy nor satisfied with my mental state, physique and features and even where i am within the society. i can’t be the perfect daughter, i can’t be the perfect girl, i can’t have the perfect job, i can’t have the perfect personality, i can’t have the perfect physique – i simply can’t be perfect. this self hate sucks because i would feel the need to purposely beat myself up or starve myself. losing sleep thinking over and over again what i need to get the self confidence back. it’s been a struggle learning to accept myself for who i am
i took a tumble recently, literally and figuratively, and really hit rock bottom but that doesn’t mean i am allowed to stay down forever. thought long and hard and now it’s time to take action and do it for myself. sometimes all we need is a fresh start to revive and the best way to restart is to begin with a blank piece of paper. i took it upon myself that i would wipe off all the unnecessary and negative influences and only focus on the positives that would get me to where i want to go. clear my mind of clutter, always remember to stay humble and accept criticism as more reason to work harder and find my strong. as far as i am concerned, there only one thing standing between me and my goal, and that’s will. willing myself to be accepting to change, to be confident, to be disciplined and to be happy with who i am. there’s no other time to start but now and i don’t want another opportunity to slip away, because it’s now or never. it’s time to train harder for the things i want to achieve, eat smarter to give myself a boost and make the right choices to live better and healthier for my mind and body. the key is to be disiciplined and stay that way, and only then will i feel proud to be who i am. expectations are meant to be met, not lowered. it’s never easy, but i am about to take my first step
today’s performance is unworthy of this blue uniform. let down a lot of people and most importantly myself with lack of concentration and attention of detail. disappointment all over, i am the harshest critic of myself and should never allow that to happen again. time to tighten it up and be more serious and prepared for the next.
a collection of shots capturing all the different moments, occasions and events of tkd in the past years. cheers to the instructors’ dedication in teaching and coaching me, time and efforts for continuously raising expectations and pushing me to my limit, providing criticism and keeping me going to develop my skillsets and maximizing my potential far beyond i ever imagined. i have come a long way since the beginning, but there’s a long road ahead and i will continue to train hard towards reaching a new level