i felt like crap after training because i simply couldn’t replicate and connect my cartwheel with anything going backwards. i wanted help but no chance because he’s too focused helping one person. left the gym disappointed beating myself up. i didn’t deserve to eat so i went straight home so i wouldn’t tear up in front of people. whenever i don’t do what i need to, i would punish myself with no food because eating needs to be earned
don’t tell me richmond has flooded into vancouver. there’s more and more inadequate drivers and parkers these days it makes me nervous not being able to trust that they are capable of sharing the roads. i don’t know if this park job is intentional, but i really should have parked even closer to make a statement. these drivers are needed on the road for the safety of other drivers
crappy does it when showing up to hockey with the last of my fuel to do everything i could do and still get shat on for one thing i didn’t do. it also doesn’t help that the cherry picking linemate told me i had stopped skating. thanks but no thanks; at least i’m the one up doing forechecks and the one to rush back to finish my backchecks while you wait at the red line for that perfect pass. i got home really bitter and that one thought alone kept me up late at night. it’s one thing to have high expectations, it’s another to be shatting on me for one thing i couldn’t do without gas left in my tank. i’m beyond upset and didn’t feel the need to even react to anymore comments
coworker came back from japan trip with goodies to share. of the many flavors she brought back, i chose the matcha and sake. of the many kitkat flavors i’ve ever tried, matcha is still my favourite. a headache made me feel crappy this morning, i didn’t think i’d stay at the office the whole day. popping a few advils seemed to have helped me head and got me through the rest of it. calling it an earlier day and hopeful it gets better by tomorrow
i finally found my other blanket now that my body has succumbed to some sort of virus. hoping that by burying myself in this blanket and sleeping more today, i will be okay to do my black friday shopping in the morning. i woke up mid day not feeling any less crappy, but still hopeful that a miracle will happen overnight. despite feeling unwell and did nothing today, i received some good news and hope more is on its way
feeling awfully drained and really needing a break. no doubt i knew there would come a time when my mind and body will not allow me to continue with the kind of schedule i run on. its been wearing down on me for over half a year and now my mind is ready to go on strike. i wake up everyday feeling crappy and even more so exhausted knowing the things i have to get through day after day. all i want to do is shut off the world and finish what i have to do. it’s christmas season and all i am too drained to even enjoy it. i try to hide all that stress and pretend everything is okay because i don’t want to put it upon anyone else but somehow it’s showing through my shell. i need a break, i know its not time yet, but i know it’s coming in a couple more weeks
today’s performance is unworthy of this blue uniform. let down a lot of people and most importantly myself with lack of concentration and attention of detail. disappointment all over, i am the harshest critic of myself and should never allow that to happen again. time to tighten it up and be more serious and prepared for the next.