day 2198 – desk reconfiguration

i’m asked to reconfigure my workstation again because marketing team was said to be too far apart. at least i don’t have to move again and only have to change my desk setup from right hand side to left hand side. i’ll still get to use my giant monitors as acoustic panels to shield the noise and distraction from the high traffic area. a good chance to clear out my desk and get ready to leave it for the weekend

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day 2085 – quote board

i need to find some way to keep myself motivated at work. too many things are happening around the office, all that doesn’t make any sense from a business standpoint. i can’t wait for the long weekend so i don’t have to deal with the changes that just keeps getting worse one after another. on the bright side, i’m just two days away from the squirtle team getaway to vancouver island. we don’t have much planned, but whatever it is will be better than what it is now

day 1788 – stranger things

i’ve failed to do any of my heavy lifts for a while now because i’ve been so occupied with many things from all directions. to be honest, i think the number one cause that’s keeping me away is being overworked at work. i’m constantly stressed and sleep deprived, i think more than half a year without vacation makes me more weary than i know it. there’s not much of a work life balance and that needs to change. i’m going back to the drawing board to map out what needs to be done to get myself back into equilibrium – that means going back into the gym doing things i love

day 1714 – twinning prisoners

my eye bags are extra big on this monday morning after not having fallen asleep until 2am. because i wasn’t finished my planning, my brain was still wired with all sorts of numbers spinning around and around. dressed to twin with my fellow monkey prisoner trying to get through the afternoon without coffee. fortunately i didn’t have to tutor today so i went for a good lift after work; testing out a new regime way different than what i am used to and hoping it’s something i could adopt

day 1676 – good to great


trying to kickstart a good march with a quote on my whiteboard. sitting down with the boss for a swot session made me think really hard about my strengths and how i can make them from good to great. leaving the room with a new way of thinking through things and how i can grow as a human being in the work force. i can only imagine the series of coaching sessions will be a good place to boost my career growth. there’s a lot of brainstorming and homework to be done 

day 1530 – one for mom

celebrated mom’s birthday before parents head to the airport for yet another trip to hong kong. in front of them, i act like there’s no pain and everything is okay even though deep down it’s a completely different story. upon seeing them off, i closed the front door and tears immediately began to roll down my eyes. i couldn’t stop the down pour; the only way to dull my heart break way was to lay in bed. it hurts in every way and hard to accept that my life has changed drastically. i’m tired from all this i don’t know how i will handle this change to being practically disabled

a nobody

it’s not without reason that i have been eerily quiet about me and my life the past month. piecing together scattering thoughts, i have identified the main cause and finally come to reveal what’s going on. those who don’t know me may think it’s just mood swings, but it’s not. i have just quietly kept everything trapped inside and reserved all my feelings because i felt like a nobody. i felt like the relationship is no longer what it used to be. every time i see what this pair at the gym can do with each other, i can’t help when some enviousness creep in. the way they could be so down to earth and so supportive. and over the course of the weeks and months, i could see she’s feeding off of his support and making the gains of her fitness journey. i know not everyone envisions the same relationship goals, that’s just one of mine. tons of questions and uncertainties as to what the priorities really were. there’s been a lot of tears and negative thoughts going through my mind that i cannot slay. the nights were painful, the loneliness was strong and the darkness was enduring. for the last several weeks, i was under a lot of pressure where it got so much that i would unknowingly feel tears roll down when i’m idling alone at night. stupidly thinking that if i keep suppressing my feelings, it would eventually end. it obviously didn’t and weighed me down day after day. i couldnt hold it down any longer and finally erupted last night. the situation may not change overnight or change at all, but steps are required. at least i put it out there so mo know how i felt and what’s making me depressed. i don’t have a dependent persona, but maybe i need to be more independent than i already am