day 2120 – flips and flops

packing could wait for until i was done my flips. i was adamant on going to flightclub tonight because it’s the last one before my long trip. i had both my ankles taped just to air on the safe side. my back tucks felt strong today. pretty happy i landed all my back tucks with shoes and no spot, meaning now i have a higher chance of doing some while i’m in other countries. it’ll still feel very different on harder surfaces, but i’m think still willing to try. i hope that stays true when time comes

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day 788 – rooftop

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grand villa casino doesn’t know too shabby when viewed from the rooftop parking lot. i have never been inside the casino before even though i stopped by the parkade handful of times. the parkade is quite large and judging by the amount of cars parked, there must be a lot of gamblers inside. not a big fan of casinos because there’s just no winning against dealers or slot machines and i don’t have the extra moola to donate to casinos

struggle is real

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i won’t lie, i am defeated and deflated. ever since coming back from nationals earlier this week, i have yet to get a good night’s sleep or get much sleep at all. my mind is constantly thinking; thinking nonstop, even when i am tired because i cannot fall asleep because it hurts me so. feeling depressed and disappointed not because of my performance or that i didn’t have a podium finish. it’s seeing the national battlefield and noticing my competition continues to get better year after year for they have proper coaching to lead them up. i want to stay with the pack and give myself a good chance, but i am beginning to think doing it alone is next to impossible. there’s a lot of skepticism about how my road ahead looks like and what i should be doing when it doesn’t look like it’s going to take me to the destination of my choice. struggling mightily to figure out what i need to do in order to give myself the best possible chance for success. for the time being, i see no possible room for advancement if i continue to train here, simply because there is no adequate resources in this area. that’s what happens when we are leading the pack in the province but there’s no support from the school up top. for as long as i stay here, every step of the way will be a struggle. i need to figure out something to draw out and realize my fullest potential and do what’s best for me