day 1573 – unravel

not the typical day i thought it would be at work. i thought i would go about my own business and keep my composure just as i’ve always done, but i unraveled in a hurry. i refused to bring my personal life to work and need not to explain the battles i fight. i was in pure frustration to hear people who have no idea what i’m going through make ignorant assumptions and go as far as using ‘abusing rights’. i never want to unload any of my problems on anyone cause i believed i’m tough enough to shoulder my own burden. clearly i haven’t said enough; hr and manager are asking to be let in on things i bottled up for much too long. they want to be my outlet and they want me to know i can let them in

day 1562 – quiet zone

spacious parking this morning as my side of the office was very quiet today. many people are out somewhere either at tradeshows or off for the long weekend. rumour has it i’m good at handling myself and doing my own work, but much too quiet especially as of late. they told me talking more to express myself will help unclutter things off my and and my head. there are just things i’d rather keep inside than burden others. these are the things only i’ll understand

 

self discovery

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it was more or less a self-wrecking week with so many internal and external forces pushing up against me. it was all a combination of stress from competition, school, work, people but none more so than myself. the road has not been easy as i have felt myself slowly dying inside but i didn’t want to confront and address it. it hurts to know that leakage of my stresses was stressing out others. no one has a clue what is going on in my head and it’s probably better kept that way. i’m disappointed at myself for not handling myself better and keeping my emotions a little tighter. the last thing i want is to be a burden to anyone and add unncessary flavour to anyone; i made up my mind that interacting less and speaking less will be helpful. i felt safe that way just to eliminate any chance of doing or saying the wrong things. sometimes i wonder why i need feelings when i’m better off without them. during this time, i spent some time reading quotes and looking for inspiration to get me through this stretch. i’m already at a point of self-destruction, there’s nowhere else to go but up. i know i’m strong enough to get through these ruts, and in case i’m not, i need to find a way to become stronger. i do believe i’ll find my way out and the better is on its way

day 1088 – lemon dishes

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my parents taking me out for dinner on one of the rare days i have a sit down meal with them. it’s important i let them have a piece of my mind; at least now they have an idea of what’s going through my head. they took my opinions and thoughts relatively well. even though it seems like nothing is resolved, i do feel relieved to let it out. i no longer want to be carrying this rock on my shoulders because it’s a neverending burden

day 378 – couldn’t go any more wrong

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the day far from over and everything thus far went so terribly wrong that i can’t even put into words. rough day when nothing can go right, i only wish there’s a way to lessen the burden. looking forward to tonight when i can use the gym as an outlet. i just want to be far far away from the rest of the world