day 1619 – shattered thumb 

a blocked shot did all the damage. took it directly off my thumb and immediately confident it was broken but kept playing since there’s no confirmation. i couldn’t put my bottom hand on the stick, but i continued onward to put one into the net. although netting the goal should not be my main focus now, it was definitely the saving grace of the game ending injury. two hospitals and four hours later, the hand specialist decided i can have a splint without surgery. i’m more disappointed of the length i’ll be out and not the pain or discomfort that comes with

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day 1528 –  renovation complete 

it’s been a physically taxing day even compared to my typical saturday. put my muscles to good use early morning to move the fridge and the wall cabinets. a hectic five hour taekwondo shift of nonstop teaching without a water or washroom break. i felt depleted for the first hockey game and couldn’t get my mind nor my legs in the game. just as i thought i had no more gas in the tank for round two, i pulled through and managed to play some proper hockey. when i got off the ice, i then realized so many body parts are hurting

day 1502 – autopilot 

no more autopilot moving forward because i’ve had enough of dormancy. made some ballsy moves just to make this happen; laying down a few protocols and making a few adjustments. i don’t like the way things are going and it’s about time i raise the bar for myself. i’m still struggling with pain in too many parts of my body but i’m taking painkillers everyday just so it gives me a chance to step it up. the harder it hurts, the more frustrated i get so the more i push. maybe that’s why its having snowballing effect

day 1434 – laying low

the work hours crept by so slowly but at least i was trying to work. at times i still felt dizzy with headache and wished that it wasn’t only wednesday. multiple body parts are wrecked and needs more rest than i will ever give it. surprisingly able to pry myself away from the gym and even decided against dodgeball. instead i spent the evening doing some overdue tedious calculations, paperwork and catchup

day 1433 – atrophy 

woke up at the sound of my alarm clock thinking i could go to work but broken is what i am. unable to fall asleep with bad neck and shoulder pain. the resultant of slamming the brakes left me with a whiplash and nothing but pain and numbness on my right side. the range was nowhere near good after treatment, but at least i could lift my arm above my head. lots of ibuprofen until the pain of clunky movements and clicking of joints dissipates

day 1290 – sums it up 

this pretty much sums up how i’m feeling about myself and my life lately. i can’t seem to get my stuff together and time after after i disappoint myself. got to the lowest point in a quite some time and i am in disbelief when i found out. i definitely feel undeserving of some basic privileges. the long weekend comes timely because i can take this time to regroup and find something new. i better get it together in a hurry or else it might turn out to be self harming

day 1092 – in isolation

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i intentionally trapped myself in my own world today. i didn’t leave the house, didn’t want to talk, didn’t want to think, didn’t want to eat, didn’t want to do anything. i feel more so stressed and hopeless; i have nothing to prove. it all works to my advantage since my ankle couldn’t move anyways. some disturbing thoughts floated around my mind today, but they were dismissed before it got too far. nothing was done as if today never happened