day 1364 – toasting 

img_20200204_1621288582902095855352102.jpgi can tell you such restricting diet sucks when all i really wanted today was a chocolate chip cookie. it’s times like this when i crave all the bad stuff that i consistently pry myself from anyways. i’ve had enough plain bread and blandness the past week. my first trial run of first real food was an egg and my treat of the day was pint sized chicken udon for dinner. people have been telling me i shrunk, and my face is noticeably paler, skinnier and look borderline unhealthy

day 972 – oyster sauce

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having a whole broccoli head all to myself because i pigged out too much last couple days. i’ve worked on keeping myself accountable leading up to competition, but the last couple days has been very difficult. all that stress has gotten the better part of me and i find suppressing has been harder and harder. if eating bland is going to get me back on track, then eating bland it is. my eating has gone awry to the point where it’s probably slightly unhealthy

day 313 – gym with restraints

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i feel like i have been jailed far too long. hitting the gym for the first time in long stretch since sustaining my injury. been issued plenty of restraints that i am not to do anything involving my legs and will continue to be banned until further notice. sports is my passion and an integral part of my life and without it, my life is nothing but bland. i can’t help but feel hopelessness and wish someone wakes me up when all is better