day 1651 – bandwidth 

i can’t control that some people are toxic and can’t mind their own business. no matter how i take care of my tasks, there’s always going to be somebody ready to stir the pot. my bandwidth is full with projects stacked on projects, it has no capacity to deal with bullshit. i had a long talk with manager because he obviously saw the frustration in my eyes. he is coaching me through the management side of things and mentioned that if i wasn’t an important member, they wouldn’t even bother picking on me. i’m going to continue to keep a good strong head on my shoulder and work on getting it better than ever no matter what the situation is. if people misunderstand and make ignorance assumptions, so be it

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building 2017

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2016 was one heck of a crazy roller coaster ride. the past twelve months gave me ample opportunities to experience more of what life is about. i found myself in the darkest moments where i shut myself off from the world, fluctations and eating problems ensued. i managed to dig deep with the support of my close ones, and got myself back together. nothing came easy as nothing worth achieving ever comes easy. behind closed doors, i fought many battles that no one knew about, but the most important thing is i never gave up on myself. i came to realization that i don’t want to remain stagnant and don’t want to remain the same so i took on some challenges. i defined what my goals were and was proactive in taking the necessary steps to get myself there. through the hard times i gained a lot of knowledge and strength that no doubt made a better me. it made me realize i’m much stronger than i think i am and need to get even stronger to withstand. i’m much closer to where i want to be but i’m not where i want to be yet. i’m still working on becoming the best version of myself

finished 2016 on a high note and looking to build a strong 2017 with bigger and more ambitious goals. it’s time to take it up a notch or even two and fulfill whatever my heart desires

  • stay as healthy and as injury-free as possible
  • train smarter and eat properly with sufficient sleep
  • be more disciplined and focused towards my goals
  • continue to work on my confidence level
  • love myself for who i am
  • communicate more with family and friends
  • explore the world and expand my horizon
  • attain supplementary diploma
  • appreciate being a workaholic, but also appreciate the little things
  • save up for the number game
  • revisit photography
  • do more of what sets my heart on fire

i’m pumped to make the next twelve months the best months i’ve ever had. find my strong. it’s now or never

2016 year at glance

a look back at the highlights and lowlights of the past 365 days captivated by my carl zeiss lens. a lot has happened and all these snapshots are like puzzle pieces that write my story. 2016 was a year soul searching, a year of adventure and a year of realization. life was pretty grim at times; but it’s how i overcame these hurdles that sets me apart from who i was before. i’ve worked hard and learned a lot about myself and the others around me. i learned that sometimes i need to be selfish because i didn’t love myself for who i was. i learned to carry my own weight. i finally broke out from a plateau and figured out some things; things are starting to click and showing signs of progression. i am excited for the turn of the calendar year because 2017 will be a year of building upon what i have achieved and want to achieve. i’m more than ready to make the necessary adaptations to become the best version of myself and i want my dearests to be there by my side

day 1240 – amrapping

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my movements are still limited so i had to deviate from my regular thursday lifts. a simple workout that didn’t require a lot of equipment but required a lot of fighting with inner self. it was a heart pounding one that had me drenched within a minute. there were so many times i could’ve stopped and gave up but didn’t. i missed this feeling of exhaustion and really needed it, but my body tells me otherwise. i will wake up tomorrow in pain and my legs will hate me every step of the way, but i’m proud i pushed through. just a testament that i’m physically stronger than i think and that i need to work harder mentally. i feel like i needed this so i deserve to eat tonight

fulfilment

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heaving a ten tonne rock off my shoulders is an appropriate representation as i haven’t felt so relieved in far too long. it may not mean anything to others, but to me, no words can describe how much receiving that call means to me. for the past year, i struggled to find myself, to accept myself and to be myself. i would hate myself for never being good enough at everything and for anything, often had internal war within. i went though down times that caused eating problems which consequently wrecked my body in too many ways. i bottled up all my problems and feelings, and avoided sensitive topics at all costs. it got to the point where i lost interest in a lot of things and wanted to confine myself in my own space so i didn’t have to talk. at last i opened up to a selected few; i need not to mention any names as you know who you are. i’m thankful that while i was going through my wildest and worst times, you came to the rescue and stood by me. thank you for being patient with me when i was going through some of the roughest times. for piecing me together and keeping me together when i was self destructing. for not rushing me to become something i wasn’t ready to become. for supporting me to find what i truly wanted. for accepting me with open arms and caressing me when i needed you most. it’s you that kept me afloat and a good reason why i’m still alive and striving to this day. through this process i’ve learned an abundance of things –  it’s okay to have weak moments but i’ve learned to be strong. many times i thought i had turned the corner, only to stumbled back in. today i can safely and assertively say i have found my way out of this gigantic hole, and i will only move forward in the direction i’ve always wanted to go but didn’t dare to go. i have a very good reason to smile as i’m leaving everything behind and starting my new episode fresh. i have found myself and i’ll be chasing whatever fulfills my heart

day 1205 – project time

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drop the idea of searching for my usb. instead of keeping my hopes up that it will one day turn up, i’m restarting my project because that’s a better use of my time. in the past i might stay upset and dwell on it, but i’m better than that now. what’s done cannot be undone, what’s past is past so just do what i need to do to get the job done. i have already proven to be more efficient the second time around; with one afternoon, the model has of my most basic elements. nerding it out today so i’ll be at the same stage soon enough. not staying up tonight since i barely got any sleep last night with an ailing hip and neck

day 1192 – fizz see oh

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getting my maintenance work in for my beat up body so i can continue to beat up my body. i like to be active and i will continue to be for as long as i can. physio did mention he was very pleased with how well i held up for as long as i have been away. it’s also nice to hear from others that they’ve noticed my improvement and acknowledge what i can do; that’s a compliment i’ll gladly take. i’m here because you inspired and challenged me to be, but i’ll never be satisfied with myself because i know i can always be better