day 1882 – blurried

my goal got a little blurried last two days so needed a reminder for myself. i’m not happy with how i went off track the last two days. all i know is it’s time to pull myself back into it. i need to find ways to hold myself accountable for the things i set out to do. recognizing i faltered and knowing i’m the only one who can fix the problem and move onwards to get it right again

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day 1601 – cleaning house

cleaning house today for what no longer should be in my space. i longed should have gotten rid of things that are taking too much of my negative space and not adding to me. i processed all the thoughts in my head space; it became clear that letting things slip has made me discontent and dulled my life. my friends have told me, not just once, that i deserve better for all the things i let slip too far down. they stood by me at my best and at my worst, and that’s what makes them my dearest friends. out with the old and unwanted so i can rebuild on what it means to be happy and what makes me, me

day 1406 – fielding 

it’s a dry day, so out with the old peeling mitt and in with the new mizunos. our lineup was smaller than usual but we managed. playing rover again today but it’ll be my first time batting third. softball game made my day better when playing with a good group who’s there to help and listen. i’ve had better days; but cracking balls, venting and getting my hip checked out helped indeed. chiro said due to my active level, my body will cycle through progression and regression. sharp pain will happen but he knows it won’t stop me so didn’t even try, but he reassured me he’ll get me back to my good state

day 1310 – matcha koala 

thank you for bringing me koalas when i needed a spark in my day. getting the special delivery eases the tears because it made me feel special. it’s not easy to swallow the heartless things i received, but with time, open ears and tender loving care, i will be okay. it wasn’t the best of days, but i’ll hold my head up and continue to trek. in the meantime, i’ve got a competition to get to and lots of last minute packing to do

self discovery

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it was more or less a self-wrecking week with so many internal and external forces pushing up against me. it was all a combination of stress from competition, school, work, people but none more so than myself. the road has not been easy as i have felt myself slowly dying inside but i didn’t want to confront and address it. it hurts to know that leakage of my stresses was stressing out others. no one has a clue what is going on in my head and it’s probably better kept that way. i’m disappointed at myself for not handling myself better and keeping my emotions a little tighter. the last thing i want is to be a burden to anyone and add unncessary flavour to anyone; i made up my mind that interacting less and speaking less will be helpful. i felt safe that way just to eliminate any chance of doing or saying the wrong things. sometimes i wonder why i need feelings when i’m better off without them. during this time, i spent some time reading quotes and looking for inspiration to get me through this stretch. i’m already at a point of self-destruction, there’s nowhere else to go but up. i know i’m strong enough to get through these ruts, and in case i’m not, i need to find a way to become stronger. i do believe i’ll find my way out and the better is on its way

day 1169 – rattled

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there are instances when breaking down is the way to continue being hardy. had one of the heaviest conversation that i’ve been evading for as long as i could, but it was one that made my heart feel lighter. little was said within the conversation, everything else said it all. sometimes i’m at a loss of words because everything stays inside, but understand that i’ll always be the person you came to know. it was very difficult to follow through the night with dodgeball and training

day 1150 – megalopolis

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the turnover rate at metropolis is so high, i don’t recognize a handful of the stores anymore. intended on doing some window shopping but ended up taking some goods home with me. i’m glad i found something i liked and was able to buy without feeling too guilty. i was feeling crummy so i spent the evening deep in thought about many things both current and for the future. after some thought, i feel like better and brighter days are ahead, i just have to keep my head up and keep going