day 2154 – self journal

finalizing my self journal and ready to start this weekend. i hashed out my three top goals and carefully thought out the progression actions to reach them. for the next thirteen weeks, i’ll have to be extra diligent with my game plan and disciplined with my focus. it won’t be easy and it’s not meant to be, but i’m sure it’ll be worth it once it’s all said and done. this is just scratching the surface of rebuilding my empire. i have yet to decide on a reward for when i survive and achieve my goals

day 1249 – year end work

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closing the year off where i want to be. although there were distractions at the gym, being plugged in helped cancel out some of that noise. though it still hurts to do a lot if things and it still hurts knowing i’m still under restrictions, i still had a decent eve workout. here’s hoping more good workouts for 2017 and following through gunning for better fitgoals. i’ll never stop chasing for what i want knowing where i once was. i need to stay confident in myself no matter how much doubts and put downs i face

self discovery

img_20200204_2300039086522560560800566.jpgit was more or less a self-wrecking week with so many internal and external forces pushing up against me. it was all a combination of stress from competition, school, work, people but none more so than myself. the road has not been easy as i have felt myself slowly dying inside but i didn’t want to confront and address it. it hurts to know that leakage of my stresses was stressing out others. no one has a clue what is going on in my head and it’s probably better kept that way. i’m disappointed at myself for not handling myself better and keeping my emotions a little tighter. the last thing i want is to be a burden to anyone and add unncessary flavour to anyone; i made up my mind that interacting less and speaking less will be helpful. i felt safe that way just to eliminate any chance of doing or saying the wrong things. sometimes i wonder why i need feelings when i’m better off without them. during this time, i spent some time reading quotes and looking for inspiration to get me through this stretch. i’m already at a point of self-destruction, there’s nowhere else to go but up. i know i’m strong enough to get through these ruts, and in case i’m not, i need to find a way to become stronger. i do believe i’ll find my way out and the better is on its way

day 1086 – bruce quote

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thinking of something to get myself going again. this man says some very powerful things that i would like to live by day in day out. in bruce lee’s wise words, always be yourself, express yourself and have faith in yourself. it’s a tough stretch, but we have each other’s back to fight through all battles. sometimes a quiet and simple evening brings out the quality of our time and lightens up the mood. just remember tough times don’t last, tough people do

self belief

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over the past week or so, i have been receiving ample of coaching, advice and prep talk on what it means to have proper mindset. the idea that i must head into each event with the confidence that i will nail my every move as i imagined it to be. i have been told i have total control over what i can give and what i can do. i have been told countless times that i need to believe in myself and trust my skills enough to let it do the talking. my body has done each move more than enough times where thinking does no good; all moves should now be second nature. i can’t reiterate how important it has been to have these prep talk and guidance to ensure my mind is in its right place. it really puts me in a more comfortable spot heading in, knowing i am mentally stable and ready to take on what’s ahead. i can walk into the competition believing they are right there with me every step of the way. it’s true i can’t control the end results, but i will take all the things they’ve tried to hammer into my mind and put it to heart. all i ask of myself is to go out on the big stage, give it everything i got and let the rest take care of itself. that alone, will make me proud for i have conquered and accomplished what i was never capable of before. this has got to be the strongest mentality i ever had going into a competition. they have done so much for me and been so patient with me over the last little while. they stuck with me through my toughest moments and did all they could to instill calmness back into my mind. i owe it to them to put forth my best effort and bring it home

dream it

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it’s march, so time for a little self reflection and self motivation to get it together and get things done. but truth is, there’s never a bad time plus there’s always room to give myself motivation because i am really bad with sticking with it. first off, a little recap of what went on in the month of february. needless to say i strayed somewhere in between, but i am stoked i reached some big milestones on the last week of the month. moving into another month means going back to the drawing board to set bigger, better and more ambitious goals. in my calendar, this month is marked down as march madness because there’s a lot of craziness on the line that i cannot afford to lose. i say this with utmost seriousness that this month will really make me or break me. i do plan on achieving lots and making many breakthroughs this month. with my competitions on the horizon, i have to really gear down because there’s no room to falter. rest assured i will be working my butt off to ensure things happen. the two main ingredients i have on my checklist are staying focused on my goals and keeping my discipline in check. working on myself and taking a page out of walt disney that what i can dream up is what i can achieve. upping my self confidence and mental strength is a key factor to killing this march madness. the countdown is on which makes me ultra nervous and at times afraid, but it’s a challenge i must take on and a challenge i will own

resolution series: [twentytwo] mentor

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the people i have been surrounded by have played a tremendous role in shaping me for who i am. they provided me with much guidance, endless advice and mentorship that influenced my growth as a human being. i have had many people guiding and pushing me every step of the way, either dragging me back on track whenever i stray away or making sure i don’t slack off when i shouldn’t be. i know for a fact, without the team behind the scenes attending to me when i fall apart, i probably wouldn’t be walking today. they have constantly given me motivations to train harder and train smarter to get better and get stronger. it is through them i learned that i must put in the work and work for what i want in order to continue playing the sports of my life. the coaches and teammates i’ve had the privilege of playing with and learning from also played a significant role. they have taught me the true meaning of teamwork, that we ought to work hard for each other. lots of credit goes to the instructors that inspired me and showed me to way to higher ground. i have come a long way from the beginning of my taekwondo journey, but i won’t stop knowing there’s still a long way to go to get to a level i never imagined i could be at. i am hoping one day i would be looked up upon, to be mentoring and inspiring others to become what they could never have imagined

 

resolution series: [twentyone] believe

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trust your heart and go with your instincts, it usually doesn’t lie. until you do what your heart desires, you will not live life to its fullest potential. belief is an important thing to develop because if you do not believe in yourself, who do you expect to believe in you?? i always followed the saying “if you believe in what you are doing, don’t let anyone stop you.” even if it means the rest of the world is against what you are about to do. that is precisely what i have been doing for many years and counting. even when everyone bade me to stop all that i do, i still do it because my heart wanted to and it felt that i could handle it. i was not prepared to give up tennis, taekwondo, dodgdeball, basketball for knitting or orgami. that isn’t my style and wouldn’t give me the satisfaction in life worth striving for. as a result each and every time i go out to compete, i go out with intent thinking of everything i have to prove. confidence has always been a weak spot because i don’t like spotlight. over the years, slowly but surely i am learning that it’s okay to make mistake cause i am not superman. just remember to trust my stuff, just go out there and give it my all. regardless of the outcome, i did the best i could. if there’s a will, there’s a way

resolution series: [twelve] mindset

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there’s never one solution to a problem or one route to a destination. different people will have different takes on things and often try to influence you in many ways so to make you see things their way, do things their way. it’s good to keep your eyes and ears open, but sometimes you just have to take a stand for what you believe in and stick with what you think you want to achieve. disregard what the majority of population thinks, so what if the rest of the world sees things differently. i learn that through the years you have to take into consideration people’s advice based on their knowledge and past experience, but there comes a time when you have to make a judgement call as to what you think is right and how you want to deal with a situation. there’s no perfect way of doing one thing. know that it is okay to be different because that’s what makes each person unique. find my own perspective, don’t let others decide and speak for me because it is my life to live. in the end no matter if the outcome is good or bad, know that i will be able to accept the outcome. that is precisely how we grow as an individual

persist

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things in life that’s worth working for is rarely easy, but it’s these things that makes life interesting. it’s only human nature to give up when things get hard. it’s even easier for one to feel deflated and hopeless when life becomes more of a struggle. but just because things aren’t going our way now, doesn’t mean they will stay that way. it’s in your own control to turn things around one hundred eighty degrees and make it how you want it to be. starting something is never easy, but keeping up with it is even more difficult. the decision is made, i am about to take on a challenge that feels a little daunting with a lot of self doubts but i think once i persevere through that, i would come out a stronger and better person. eager to started because once i get my feet wet, there’s no turning back. it’s just another character building challenge with lots to prove and lots to gain. this will be an evaluation of how much i want it and how much i am willing to stick with it