believe myself

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i told myself time after time that i wouldn’t spill because i shouldn’t let any negativity ruin my holiday mood, and then things happened again which really put me over the top. people never realize how much crap i take from others. i take them in like a sponge, but it never dissipates. i just bury my emotions deep inside so no one can see; hidden so well others forget i have feelings, so well sometimes i forget too. i brush it off like it doesn’t hurt but it does. i just wished people were a little more sensitive with their comments and actions.  my silence just means i chose to hold my thoughts in, but the feeling of disconnect and exclusion still exists. it hurts assumptions were made without understanding how hard i worked. those who haven’t seen me at my worst have no idea what i’ve gone through and what it was like to get here. don’t look down upon me and make presumptions that i’m not good enough. i’ve worked far too hard for anyone to tell me otherwise. i learned that even when i’m belittled, i’ll still believe in myself because i’ve proven i can stand alone. sometimes a little consideration goes a long way because never underestimate the power of the little things that make a big difference

 

30 share it [twenty six]

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i’m disappointed there’s so little belief in me and although it doesn’t take anything away from my ability, it bugs me more than i show it. it sucks to be looked upon with double standards because some just can’t accept the fact that girls can have the same abilities. i guess it’s all about their egos. i can’t control what others choose to believe, but i can control what i can do. i’ll still keep pushing forward like always

 

resolution series: [fifteen] confidence

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i have never been a confident person and i still am not, but i have taken strides in this area. i have very high expectations for myself; the fearful part is when i do not meet those standards, it becomes detrimental to my already lacking and wavering confidence level. playing on teams definitely helped just knowing my teammates will always be there to back me up. i have been fortunate to be a part of numerous teams with awesome teammates that support each other so well and prides in teamwork and team building activities. team chemistry plays a big role in bringing home championships – i experienced that first hand. becoming a part of the vdl exec team has made me more vocal; part of the package requires speaking in front of large groups of people, constantly meeting new people and putting myself out there in a bigger community. taekwondo has provided me more than i could have ever imagined. having met a close knit family where we train together and sweat together. through instructing, competing and demonstrating, it has forced me to speak and demonstrate in front of students, parents and spectators alike. i am glad that many moons ago, my instructor pushed me out into competition because it has been, by far, the biggest difference maker. being alone in the ring with all eyes watching can be fearful as hell but when time comes i have no choice and just have to go on stage and finish what i started. no doubt i have gained a lot experience, respect and approval through being both an instructor and a competitor, but that also comes with responsibility and pressure. not only have i developed my own standard that i must live up to, but others also have high expectations for me that i’d hate to disappoint. all of these undertakings were a leap of faith that required me to step out of my comfort zone and into a completely new territory not knowing what to expect. from a person who is unwilling to speak up, i have evolved to being capable of stepping up in front of large crowds and audiences. this is not to say i am comfortable being in the spotlight because i still get nervous every single time, but at least i am willing to take that step forward. even today i still shy away from attention and hide in the background. i am still quiet by nature, and only when i feel comfortable around you will i start to open up and express myself. that’s when you will get to know me better as a person, my values, the driving force and reasons behind the things i do. there’s a lot hiding inside if you manage to crack my shell

the truth of success

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often people have very ambitious goals and so happens to be right after new years for obvious reasons. it’s one thing to set goals but its another thing to do what it takes to achieve it. the saying it’s easier said than done is true to its words, i would know. but make sure once you set these goals, you back it up with action or else it only gets lost and becomes a dream in never never land. the road to success isn’t meant to be easy. in fact, more often than not, every goal is a long winding road that will involve many setbacks and obstacles along the way. don’t get discouraged if it doesn’t turn out exactly how you envisioned, keep looking forward and slowly but surely you will reach your goal