day 2451 – snowy disappointment

the forecast was correct as snow fell overnight. it wasn’t a whole lot, so i could still drive my mom’s car to work. i was hit with a bunch of disappointment at flipping tonight. what i felt in december came back again – i felt like i wasn’t getting the same support and learning opportunity. i’m pretty frustrated i’m not getting what i need to make progress. all i ever hear is i’m making progress, i’m missing technique; but i’m not getting any support or guidance as to how to fix that technique or what it is i need to do to get there. it’s the neglect and the constant empty promises that’s really getting to me. maybe my initial gut feeling was correct and i should pack it in because no one believes i can land anything anymore

day 1818 – work morons

img_20200130_2134433351333474827226412.jpgdealing with morons at work isn’t good use of my time, but it’s what i’ve had to put up with lately. one of the manager has been poking me for a while and the way she provokes me agitates me because of her ignorance and lack of sense. good thing she is no longer the design manager, but the real question is how is she still a manager? i know she’s out to get me and she’s already been talking shit to the ceo who is easily persuaded because he doesn’t know better. while i’m not surprise she keeps stirring shit behind my back, it built up so much aggression i wish i could stick her face on a target so i can kick it until it falls off

day 1812 – boardroom talks

i’ve been really good at this poker face game and not let other departments’ ignorance get to me and my team. several chains of emails came my way that almost triggered me to lose my cool today and almost broke my streak. usually my manager would ask me if i’m okay and i’ll say yes ninety eight percent of the time. the fact i didn’t say okay when he asked today was enough for him to notice something was up. i had a lengthy chat with him and together we had an approach. i left the room a bit less angered having let out some. this dampened my mood and i skipped all forms of exercises entirely

day 1561 – bandwidth 

i can’t control that some people are toxic and can’t mind their own business. no matter how i take care of my tasks, there’s always going to be somebody ready to stir the pot. my bandwidth is full with projects stacked on projects, it has no capacity to deal with bullshit. i had a long talk with manager because he obviously saw the frustration in my eyes. he is coaching me through the management side of things and mentioned that if i wasn’t an important member, they wouldn’t even bother picking on me. i’m going to continue to keep a good strong head on my shoulder and work on getting it better than ever no matter what the situation is. if people misunderstand and make ignorant assumptions, so be it