day 2365 – sunroof motor

i got a courtesy car from my autobody shop so they could fix both my hit and run, and the malfunctioning sunroof. the mechanic took my sunroof apart and found that my motor had snapped. i’m hoping they can source out a second hand motor so it would cost me over a grand. in the meantime, i’m driving a downgraded corolla around which feels way different than shadow

day 2280 – home arrest

the continuation of no work, no driving and little walking basically means i’m under house arrest. i was advised to put on the boot as precautions until it’s confirmed nothing is fractured or broken. i feel utterly useless right now when everything is delivered to me. i fail to see the positives in this situation, but i’m grateful for those taking care of me. i tried really hard to turn my attention to watching some tvb drama and working on my make belief model home

day 1822 – cartwheel

throwing too many cartwheels and attempts of aerials nonstop can lead to severe injuries. i heard some kind of pop as i braced myself with an outstretched arm. i thought it had to be a dislocated shoulder or something had snapped in my elbow. i landed hard but i didn’t want to check what the problem could be because maybe i’m not ready to find out. as stubborn and stupid as i was, i continued practicing but knowing in the back of my mind it could be a major issue that needs attention

day 1548 Рhand specialist 


i know my way around the clinic the second time around and the same radiologist helped me take another batch of xrays. the bad news couldn’t get any worse each batch as the ones taken today shows my bone is now displaced and not in the right place. with that, the specialist decided surgery will take place tomorrow and i’ll be opened to do one of the two possible procedures. the news hit me hard, so stunned i wasn’t able to collect any of my emotions to react or think. the rest of the day was a blur because i felt completely empty inside with no feelings, no appetite, no motivation and none of anything. i beared all that burden alone as if i’ve always been alone from the start. i finally cried well into the evening and i’m glad i did; i found out at least i have emotions. i’m not scared of the procedure, but the thought of having something inserted in me makes me not me

day 1416 – grandma’s arm

img_20200204_1522347666247357377826275.jpgmy grandma is over ninety but probably healthier than me even before i turned nineteen. rarely has she made my family worry, but today i received bad news that she broke her arm from a fall. i’m worried that she’s suffering in pain, that she can’t take care of herself, that she wants my father by her side. she needs to go through a procedure and what she needs most is care that i cannot provide her. i just can’t rest easy knowing what she is going through and can only wish i could take it for her

day 1336 – lounge seats

my enjoyment the one hundred level lounge seats stopped short of the end of third period when i was startled by some news. finishing the game was the least of my worries as i rushed home to find out what’s been happening all day. i’m really concerned and i’m scared, but i mustn’t show it because my mom needs me to be strong at a time like this. i can’t show any signs of weakness because i need to be there for her to hold the ship together 

day 865 – emergencies

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spending sunday morning at mount saint joseph emergency wasn’t the plan but it happened. woke up uber early to door crash the hospital and still had to spend over two hours taking xrays to find out my finger fracture is still inconclusive. the doctor gave me a splint and told me to take more xrays next week. i tend to disobey medical instructions so i would much rather not wear it, and still trying to think of alternatives to get out of this splint cause it’s very restricting to my activities. if it’s indeed fractured or severely injured, i’d feel super deflated cause i can’t afford to take time off training. this would be a huge blow to me and my dreams at the most inopportune time