day 2111 – sleep day

i woke up feeling fine somehow started to lose track of what was going on around me at work at 10am. i was feeling all flu-like symptoms including drowsiness, dizziness, fatigue, chills, and aches. i pushed through until the end of the day which i really shouldn’t have. it was an iffy drive home, but i did my best to stay alert on the road. i immediately crashed on my bed the second i got into my room and didn’t give a crap about anything else

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day 1721 – crap load

feeling pretty bad at work and also making bad decisions with food. my headache worsened, throat is dry and scratchy, knee is compensating for the hip, and on top of that i’m on some drugs and steroid drops. there’s a lot of work to be done at the office i can’t afford to miss any time. it’s my month to lead the design meetings and i’m currently heavily relied on so i feel obligated to hold down the fort. i toughed it out until the end but i’m going to crawl into bed before nine thirty and hope i wake up tomorrow morning good enough to work

day 1477 – new salary

received my first pay stub with my new remuneration; means a lot to me to finally have my hardwork reflected in my salary. though that’s the only bright spot of the day as i woke up feeling really shitty about myself. a stomachache made matters worse and i didn’t feel like eating. i regret having dragged myself into the office but had so much work that missing any time wasn’t feasible. just as i thought my evening was getting better, a phone call from sifu changed everything and i all i could do was lay in bed feeling majorly overwhelmed but no one there to receive

day 1350 – on my feet

just as i thought the days couldn’t get rougher, more misfortune hit me hard early this morning. i was depressed and ready to pack it in but he reminded me of the positives. at the end of the day, fortunate to know that he’ll take the time to make sure i get back up on my feet. the company i received while doing something i enjoyed helped destress and lifted my mood; realized there’s still a reason to smile. this might be the last time i wear these skates; next time i lace up, i’ll be starting off fresh

day 1290 – sums it up 

this pretty much sums up how i’m feeling about myself and my life lately. i can’t seem to get my stuff together and time after after i disappoint myself. got to the lowest point in a quite some time and i am in disbelief when i found out. i definitely feel undeserving of some basic privileges. the long weekend comes timely because i can take this time to regroup and find something new. i better get it together in a hurry or else it might turn out to be self harming

day 1287 – emotional eating

could barely keep my eyes open this morning but i still felt okay during the day. i had all the intention to go training tonight but everything kind of fell apart when evening hit. i went way off track i couldn’t get myself to go to training. instead, i turned for home where emotional eating happened. disappointment loomed over me and i feel so utterly disgusted at myself for being useless. i just want to pull a blanket over my head or better yet bury myself in a hole

day 1134 – september blues

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it’s one of those hump days i could go without. i had a restless night wanting to vomit but couldn’t. i had a bad dream which made me concerned about the many make belief scenarios going through my head. i woke up with more pain than yesterday; it hurts to do basic things including breathe. i can’t quite describe why these thoughts are going through my head. let’s pretend it’s just part of the september blues, or maybe it’s just the back to school feeling after labour day