day 2227 – taekwondo time

killarney just got a lot way more stressful starting this term. i’ll be short my vice instructor because she got pulled back to teaching at main branch but i get no one in return; it’ll be just me, an instructor and assistant instructors. i’ll have to train up another vice instructor from scratch. until then, i’ll have to own everything and be prepared to take on anything that comes my way. that’s including preparations for promotion tests, comeptitions and demonstrations while juggling my staff’s limited availability. it’ll be hard to stay sane throughout this term, but i’ll stay positive and continue to believe in what i can offer

day 2187 – lunch stroll

i really wasn’t feeling i was in the right place, so i went for a stroll to get some air after lunch. i walked aimlessly outside in the opposite direction because i didn’t want to have any interaction. i still am not back to my old self from the outbreak that i couldn’t prevent. i’m trying my hardest to do so but it’s still too noticeable that i haven’t been carrying myself the same way i normally do. i may need to take a day off as a way to recoup

day 1478 – buckle down

it’s inexcusable that so many times i lose my self discipline and stray off from what i need to be doing. there’s been a lot of pressure from different sources of life and i’m struggling trying to stand my ground. i didn’t sign up for this, maybe i was meant to be alone in the dark, forever. i’m so stressed out; it’s been disappointing the stress has so much impact on my willpower and the lack of it. there is no excuse to not have a better habit and stick with what i want

day 1477 – new salary

received my first pay stub with my new remuneration; means a lot to me to finally have my hardwork reflected in my salary. though that’s the only bright spot of the day as i woke up feeling really shitty about myself. a stomachache made matters worse and i didn’t feel like eating. i regret having dragged myself into the office but had so much work that missing any time wasn’t feasible. just as i thought my evening was getting better, a phone call from sifu changed everything and i all i could do was lay in bed feeling majorly overwhelmed but no one there to receive

day 1468 – me menu

called everything off and put myself and only myself on today’s menu cause i need time alone to set my priorities straight. absolutely no work related tasks today – no work for the first time in sixteen days. i was going down the wrong path of cramming work in to avoid idle time which in turn has even more negative effect on my mental health. can’t say i’m not a workaholic but then realized i was more burnt out than ever. so first time sleeping in until eight, helped my parents moved furniture, went for a workout and cleaned my room. that is not to say i don’t see the relationship struggles, but we’ll both be working on it together. i do feel better thinking i’ve reset my priorities and reorganized my life for the upcoming week

day 1454 – lonely corner

the cage may be full, but the squat rack on the other side of the gym wasn’t. besides being in the stuffy side, it’s not so bad here. in fact, i kind of like being alone in this lonely corner where i can be me. i must admit i felt the heaviness after enduring the past couple days. my back and hip is feeling funky; must have been the jolt from yesterday’s game. what’s on my glute doesn’t seem like it’s just a normal bruise. had to cut workout short before i do some extra damage to myself. it was nice to walk the park with good old buddy just to catch up and unload

day 1420 – disconnect 

there’s no change since. the fact that i still feel alone hasn’t changed. it makes me wonder what difference it makes being in a relationship. i still feel i am on my own. has it gotten too comfortable to the point where communication can be so sparse and the disconnect can be so big?? i don’t have a lot of needs and i don’t demand for much, maybe that’s why i get pushed aside and pushed down in priorities. i try to sweep it under the rug but i can’t help noticing my patience that something will turn around is declining. holding on might not be the thing to do anymore