day 1516 – forest blue xz

had been very good with my spendings lately so thought the timing was right to splurge and give myself a late birthday present by adding an xz to my sony collection. wanted to buy this many months ago, stayed patient for my phone case to arrive and the price to drop a bit. then waited some more for the one plus five release, but still set on my forest blue xz. setting up the phone just the way i like it will take some time.

day 1514 Рbruise much 

fresh bruises on my arm after taking a pregame collision and another bodycheck at my saturday night hockey games. this might be the only chance for my left arm to be buffer than my right. my arm is not looking too good but my foot is in much worse condition. the additional bone growth in my heel looks like a tumour and is getting so bad it even hurts to wear regular shoes. i need to get this checked out and fixed before it becomes something of a much bigger and permanent problem

day 1513 – box jumping

jumping my boxes is a liberty i no longer take for granted. actually, there’s very liberty i take for granted as my body has learned the hard way over the years. box jumps has been sparse ever since beginning my rehab with chiro. of the times i tried the past seven weeks, i either only managed a thirty box or stopped short in excruciating hip pain. two weeks into kineisiologist rehab today, i’m back on boxes and made a thirty nine box. the most positive note to take away is pain free jumps. i hope to keep up with the no advil days

day 1512 Рaccompaniment 

my precious sticking by my side morning and night. she’s there for hugs when i need it most and absorbs any burden i carry day in and day out; something i need more than ever before. accompanying me so to know that i’m not going through this phase alone. i get disappointed wondering where each person’s priorities are at. i’d go home frustrated and speechless, but at least i know i’m somebody’s top priority and i know that i’ll always have her even when everything ends. i’m beginning to feel i’m ready to pull the trigger and let go

day 1511 – solstice begins

on days like this being stuck indoor away from windows isn’t ideal. the weather looks to be good for the rest of the week with the start of summer season. temperature is on the rise and it’s just one of the reasons summer is my favourite, for it brings sunshine to my life. all the fun summer activities awaits. maybe this will brighten my mood and bring me to a better place 

day 1510 Рdisconnect 

there’s no change since. the fact that i still feel alone hasn’t changed. it makes me wonder what difference it makes being in a relationship. i still feel i am on my own. has it gotten too comfortable to the point where communication can be so sparse and the disconnect can be so big?? i don’t have a lot of needs and i don’t demand for much, maybe that’s why i get pushed aside and pushed down in priorities. i try to sweep it under the rug but i can’t help noticing my patience that something will turn around is declining. holding on might not be the thing to do anymore

day 1509 – breakless

the weight accumulated in the past two months has caught up to me. on the exterior i act invincible, but i can only fool others and not myself. the more i tried to brainwash myself, the deeper i fall. at times i thought i didn’t want to fight anymore and wanted to give in. i fear that i’m nearing the brink of losing it – losing the patience to battle. didn’t have an appetite for any breakfast or lunch. i tried to bury myself with work to occupy every part of me