day 1612 – cavity check 

an extra unpleasant filling cause dentist said he had to use laser to cut some of the gum. that explains why i had four shots and still felt the numbing two hours into teaching. it makes eating difficult and it makes me hungry and not hungry at the same time. at the end of the day, i find myself a bit more disappointed with each passing day. it felt promising at times, but in the end i still haven’t been convinced. i’m still alone second guessing whether i’m only good and wanted when i’m willing to do what’s asked. it feels as though it’s more for the benefits and less of what my needs are. as long as i have this feeling, i will have my guard up and find ways to refuse it no matter deprived or not

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day 1611 – myodetox 


compensation all over my body from the built up tension; it’s been a stressful stretch from both work and life. traveling pain is going all over me including my head, neck, back, hips, knees and ankles. the sleep quality and quantity has diminished and so work productivity has also been affected. an appointment at myodetox to release some of that and alleviate some of that and get my body functioning as it should 

day 1610 – growlers 

i had no handle on what damages could happen today, but i have three appointments lined up. honestly think i make terrible decisions but i really wanted to play dodgeball after sitting out for an extra ten days. it’s taped up to the point where almost no skin on my hand is visible, yet it still hurts to grip the ball, catch the ball, throw the ball. i came out not thrilled expecting more, but at least playing today didn’t make it much worse

day 1609 – gym needs

headache at work got pretty bad again to the point where i didn’t seem useful and should just go home. but i stayed and kept thinking the tylenol will kick in soon enough. i was only looking forward to going to the gym, and stubborn enough even if i were to collapse during. i really wanted to since i haven’t made up for the missed monday and i wasn’t about to do another shuffle nor write off this week

day 1608 – office props

this workstation of mine is filled with recovery props and drugs. my headache erratic and unpredictable; it seems to get better and worse whenever it wants. at it’s worst, my head feels like it’s being compressed and there’s no enough oxygen the flows through. my immune system may already be used to the constant supply of tylenols. i tried really hard to work through it, but there’s a point that i thought i should go home instead of suffering through this at work. i probably shouldn’t have taken on tutor after work and get more rest as needed, but i don’t like canceling last minute

day 1607 – ruined

nothing but disappointment missing my monday workout, missing dodgeball but that’s exactly what happened today. this forces me to rearrange this week’s workout schedule. i haven’t cramped this hard in a long time, but it was more than that which made it worse than waking up on the wrong side of the bed. it was an unrestful night where i laid in bed for hours not being able to fall asleep and when i finally do, i get woken up several times in sweat. even in terrible condition, had no choice but to to go to work because i had stuff to hand over

day 1606 – level b certified 

nine hours of my sunday spent at st john’s to take my recertification course and now i’m back to saving lives. good old timmy’s to help me get through and stay awake through the boring stuff, just like those university days. the test at the end of the course was easy peasy. i have a feeling there’s more to come in order to complete my nccp, but hopefully the next one won’t be nine hours long