day 1308 – work anni 

three months ago today was my first day, how time has flown by. my role has changed since the switch of design manager; the pace is much quicker, the work load is much higher and the responsibilities have increased. the things i am in charge of now is much more challenging, but also more in line with what i enjoy doing. there’s a lot to learn but this is how it should be in order to grow

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day 1307 – showroom

back in the office after a non existent weekend where i spent majority of it working and coaching. weekly monday office meetings always has piles of sweets on sweets. this is the time when i am notorious for getting my daily dose of banana. showtimes are not optional no matter how busy, but it’s always entertaining. the pace and the workload has picked up significantly since the start of this month and that is a good sign

silencing

the last week or two has been overtly stressful when i should be practicing but can’t. every waking hour means it’s closer to competition day, yet all i can do is feel hopelessly antsy and frustrated that i have to stay put. on top of that, i’ve been put under a lot of undue pressure to take on more than i already have. my plate is beyond full and i don’t know how i can possible pile more on without toppling over. the stress is making me lose sleep, lose appetite, lose my words and lose passion. being quiet is not a source of outlet, but i’m not sure if i’ll be understood even if i speak. who would actually relate to  how i feel and why?? as another competition nears, i just want to focus on that but looks like that’s too much to ask for. the pressure is once again getting to me and i feel less ready both physically and mentally. the pressure of expectations is both internal and external; i can’t bear to leave people disappointed and almost want to apologize prior to the event. this is really not the time to fold. i hate how i am weakest when i need to be the strongest. where do i search to find the strength to carry forward

day 1306 – exec social 

a vdl event that gathers execs so those who don’t do league ops nor play every night gets a chance to hangout. i am usually unable to make it out to these events, but i had a gap before working at blackbelt test. taking over most of steamworks eating and socializing while getting good laughs playing board games. the company was good but the food was horrible; i ended up eating my first hotdog since korean festival two summers ago. a laid back afternoon that momentarily got my mind off taekwondo where i was low key stressing out for my competition

day 1305 – wash and dry

despite sleeping at 2 in the morning, i naturally woke up early as usual. morning was a little laid back as i had no urgency to wake up immediately so i slept in a little before giving my filthy shadow a little quick wash. it took a little longer than i thought so didn’t have much time for a lunch before it was time for taekwondo. i could have joined my rdl social, but after a seven hour taekwondo shift, i was too tired and turned for home. i could use the personal space just to think and straighten some things out

day 1304 – crummy friday 

it doesn’t take much time make me feel crummy – just a sleeplessness night and some unjust comments. i couldn’t stop thinking about it and how it made me more uncomfortable. what’s also uncomfortable is my hip, glute and now my quad from the bench fall. somehow i’ll have to get through this thirteen hour work day in a fifteen hour span. i can only convince myself it’s good to be friday although i’ll spend my weekend at taekwondo too

day 1303 – gstring 

just as we expected, we were bumped up to tier 2 after the retier. we’ll most likely stick in this tier for the remainder of the season so these are good matchups come playoffs. i was suppose to ease up for my legs’ sake but somehow ended up falling over a bench mid game. photoweek got more interesting when gstrings showed up with our lingerie. i was really bothered by some issues were brought to my attention at the end of the day and that kept my up at night