day 1188 – sushi fix

img_20200130_2043163497388161893659168.jpgafter being out of town for four days surviving mainly on bread components, i was massively craving sushi and homecooking. i am just happy to be back in my regular routine doing mundane things, eating sushi, seeing my family and of course spending time with mo. just as he thought i only shopped for myself, i surprised him with a souvenir from portland outlet. it was a rough october with unproportional low ups to downs ratio; but more importantly i survived and look forward to a november to remember

day 1187 – mat privileges

image

what i’ve been stressing out about has finally arrived. stepping on the mat for my first competition this season. after an offseason of training, i feel more conditioned physically and mentally to have a stronger competition season. i felt i had my top game today; fueled myself properly and zoned in the second my pre-game warm up began. i’m happy with my shipjin, the best it’s ever been and came out with a bronze. i had a lot of fun this portland trip but four days running around at the venue is exhausting. it’s time to go home and get a good night’s sleep

day 1186 – bonding time

image

our day off before the rest of the team arrives tonight for part two of competition. no events for the team today but still went to catch some sparring action and ran into cosplay expo. a little last minute preparation and team meeting to end the night so we can sleep early in anticipation that we would have none the next night. it’ll be a long day with a full day of competition and driving back immediately after everyone’s events are over

day 1185 – woodburn night

image

another early morning to check into the convention centre by 7am. both poomsae and sparring divisions had some high calibre athletes. after a full morning being at the competition, we went for an early italian dinner before hitting up woodburn. it was time to relax and do some shopping at the outlet, but the many sales made me quite anxious. there’s so much i want to buy, but i managed not to splurge on all my wants

day 1184 – oregon venue

image

teammates and i arrived at the oregon venue after a red-eye drive. my day and night is all mixed up after being up for so long; first real meal of the day was past 3pm. i had points of starvation and points of food overload, which can’t be good at all. competitors from different countries are checked in including canada, united states, mexico, guatemala and ecuador. we did a little bit of everything today including homework, practice, meeting, eat and grocery shop. tomorrow is the big day for some of my teammates. for the first time in quite a while, i won’t be fighting with them on the same mat, but i’ll be cheering them on from the side

day 1183 – lucky money

image

got my good luck red pocket money, one from my parents and one from the grandmaster. i’m all packed up for a good weekend in oregon. i’ll be there to scout and chill with my teammates for first two days, then my competition begins on saturday. i’ll also take this time off as a break from everything, relax and enjoy the moment. it was difficult trying to fit all my stuff into one duffel and backpack. now time for a red-eye drive down to portland

day 1182 – perplexed

img_20200204_2157488663231266810040787.jpgthe teaching assistant was going over the term project but lost me early on in the optional work session. i had no idea what was going on; i guess others started leaving for the same reason. remembering half the term’s mark is based solely on this term project made me stay a little longer and stress out a little more. i still stayed until i figured there was no point, plus i was getting super hungry. i’ll give it a rest tomorrow as there’s lots of odds and ends to take care of before i head out on my roadtrip

day 1181 – fifteen for fifteen

image

safe to say it was a dominant night when my team goes undefeated and gets all fifteen wins. the schedule eased up the past two weeks but we’ll go back to reality when we play some high tier one teams again. i wasn’t planning on playing tonight but i couldn’t resist because standing on court side watching is boring. two days before i leave town, i think i am handling my nerves a bit better than usual

self discovery

img_20200204_2300039086522560560800566.jpgit was more or less a self-wrecking week with so many internal and external forces pushing up against me. it was all a combination of stress from competition, school, work, people but none more so than myself. the road has not been easy as i have felt myself slowly dying inside but i didn’t want to confront and address it. it hurts to know that leakage of my stresses was stressing out others. no one has a clue what is going on in my head and it’s probably better kept that way. i’m disappointed at myself for not handling myself better and keeping my emotions a little tighter. the last thing i want is to be a burden to anyone and add unncessary flavour to anyone; i made up my mind that interacting less and speaking less will be helpful. i felt safe that way just to eliminate any chance of doing or saying the wrong things. sometimes i wonder why i need feelings when i’m better off without them. during this time, i spent some time reading quotes and looking for inspiration to get me through this stretch. i’m already at a point of self-destruction, there’s nowhere else to go but up. i know i’m strong enough to get through these ruts, and in case i’m not, i need to find a way to become stronger. i do believe i’ll find my way out and the better is on its way

day 1180 – snapped

image

the day started off well and ended off well but i let my emotions get the best of me in the afternoon. i was stupid, but i’m human too; when bent too far, i too, will snap. i made up for it by having a solid training session led by the grandmaster himself; good thing i didn’t disappoint him. i’m discouraged with the load put upon me and pulling me from all directions, but i’m more discouraged that i didn’t handle myself better. somedays i’ll have feelings, somedays i won’t; but i’ve learned that i will be okay because something better is on its way