third anniversary special edition

over a thousand days later, tongtongvision has reached it’s third anniversary. what i started three years ago as a small undertaking has emerged into something very special; my life writes it, and it writes my life. dedicating this year’s special edition to showcase clips of my 2016 nationals in calgary. as always, a traveling experience and teambonding experience that had no shortage of fun and stressful times, but left me with some crazy memories. i take all the experiences learned and hope that it will come in handy one day. i am not sure how many more nationals i have in me, but i want each succeeding one to be better than the previous. life is about making progress, life is about never settling for less than what you believe in

 

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day 1096 – walk of life

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everybody’s walk of life is a little different, this is my night time walk. i’ll find my way that leads to the path that my heart desires. it’s been a day of a weird long weekend full of unexpected circumstances and sudden turn of events. one that gave me a lot of realizations and held a lot of hard truths. although it was a laid back day, i am still very tired and could use the extra rest. i’ll give my body a break since i am too sore to benefit from exercising

day 1095 – waffle cone

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it’s not often i get my ice cream, but it was my treat for the long weekend. going out to kitsilano with my short shorts and keds for some afternoon dessert. rain or shine ice cream had pretty cool flavours, i went with malted chocolate honeycomb. so much goodness in a waffle cone, but too much i couldn’t finish before. feeling so fat after that eating that ice cream cone, must get back to workouts and train even harder

day 1094 – recondition

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getting up is what happens after falling down. restarting today is the best choice because focusing on my journey and devoting more time on myself is vital to a healthier and happier me. going into the gym and lifting usually makes my day better. today was no different as i surprisingly upped my deadlift numbers. i learned that i can’t do everything alone; sometimes opening up and turning to others helps me better manage my stress. my journey is not going to be easy, but i look forward to improving and picking up a few new things every step of the way

day 1093 – dial back

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a day of climbing out of the dark and back into the light. the past forty eight hours had a lot more downs than ups, but i will spend much of the next hours, days, weeks and years making it infinitely better. i am strong enough to withstand the circumstances thrown at me. it is time to repair myself and look for new directions. i can always bank of having companions by my side to talk it over

day 1092 – in isolation

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i intentionally trapped myself in my own world today. i didn’t leave the house, didn’t want to talk, didn’t want to think, didn’t want to eat, didn’t want to do anything. i feel more so stressed and hopeless; i have nothing to prove. it all works to my advantage since my ankle couldn’t move anyways. some disturbing thoughts floated around my mind today, but they were dismissed before it got too far. nothing was done as if today never happened

atelphobia

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some days are better than other days, but lately many days i feel like i just can’t be good enough. i sit alone in the dark thinking about everything i could be and should be. it hurts to think that no matter what i do, i can never live up to my own expectations; no matter how hard i try, i don’t deserve it. time after time, there’s obstacles and setbacks in my path obstructing me from making my goals and dreams a reality. sometimes i think it’s better not to isolate myself because i will overthink without a doubt, but often i find myself opting to be alone because i don’t want others to see my tears. i know it’s a selfish act to shut off the world, but i don’t think others would appreciate the negativity and most would never understand where i am coming from anyway. i prefer to maintain that protective exterior shell instead of exposing what’s really within. ever since i started losing myself, the times i’ve had emotional outbreaks far exceeds the amount of occurrences i average in the past couple years. there are times like now when tears just uncontrollably roll down my face without reason, but it’s simply because i’ve been pretending to be strong in front of others for too long. i must admit i was stupid enough to let disturbing thoughts float around my mind, but i am tired of pretending; i can’t carry on so something must end – either it or me. i tried to cry myself to sleep hoping tomorrow will be the day i have a better idea of who i am and the purpose i serve. am i a nobody that only disappoints those who naively didn’t give up on me yet?? i am so frustrated at myself for not knowing how to be good enough. when will i figure it out and get back to my norm??