day 701 – oh canada

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canada day was exactly opposite of how a statutory holiday should be like; not only am i at work but i even worked overtime. it was a long and exhausting day with no shortage of frustrations and surprises throughout. so much effort, time, preparation, sweat and anger has been put in order to make this inter school competition possible, not only on the front end but also on the back end behind the scenes. on the bright side, today i got to see all my students put forth their efforts , many of which made great improvements. but man, was i ever tired at the end of the day and not many ounces of energy left in me

struggle is real

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i won’t lie, i am defeated and deflated. ever since coming back from nationals earlier this week, i have yet to get a good night’s sleep or get much sleep at all. my mind is constantly thinking; thinking nonstop, even when i am tired because i cannot fall asleep because it hurts me so. feeling depressed and disappointed not because of my performance or that i didn’t have a podium finish. it’s seeing the national battlefield and noticing my competition continues to get better year after year for they have proper coaching to lead them up. i want to stay with the pack and give myself a good chance, but i am beginning to think doing it alone is next to impossible. there’s a lot of skepticism about how my road ahead looks like and what i should be doing when it doesn’t look like it’s going to take me to the destination of my choice. struggling mightily to figure out what i need to do in order to give myself the best possible chance for success. for the time being, i see no possible room for advancement if i continue to train here, simply because there is no adequate resources in this area. that’s what happens when we are leading the pack in the province but there’s no support from the school up top. for as long as i stay here, every step of the way will be a struggle. i need to figure out something to draw out and realize my fullest potential and do what’s best for me